Hide & Seek
by Hellcat81
Summary: YxScomplete After a fight Shuichi leaves Yuki. Can they figure out what they really want? And who is the one after Shuichi?
1. A fateful day

Disclaimer: Gravitation & all its characters belong to their rightful owners and companies. So don't sue me. I don't have any money anyway. 

Untitled 

Chapter 1: A fateful day 

Everything was as usual. Yuki opened his eyes and groaned. He could hear that pink haired baka from the kitchen singing loudly along with Ryuichi from his favorite Nittle Grasper CD. He turned around hiding his head beneath his pillow trying to go back to sleep. 

But luck wasn't with him today as he heard Shuichi bouncing into the bedroom. 

Good morning, Yuki!" came the cheerful greeting of his young lover. 

He just sighted and tried to blend out the now erupted happy chatter somewhere next to his head. "Oh no - not this early in the morning..." Yuki groaned into his pillow shifting in his bed to try to get farther away from the annoying chatter. But to no avail... 

Yuki!!!!" screeched the younger man, I made a nice breakfast for you. Aren't you gonna get up? It's all your favorite things. Pleeeeeeease!!!! I have to leave for work in a couple of minutes. Won't you at least try the blueberry pancakes?? They're extra yummy today. And I also made French toast and..." 

He continued to count all the things he made especially for his most favorite person in the world as suddenly he found himself starring into two blazing amber eyes. 

"Would you stop that now?" Yuki almost yelled at a very startled Shuichi. 

"But but but...." Shuichi started sputtering. 

"No buts this time. Why can't you be quiet at least for five minutes? I never said I wanted to have any breakfast, I just wanted to sleep. Today I have to finish a very important chapter and all what you do is disturbing me all the time. I would be far better off without you. At least I could work in peace then and I wouldn't have to put up with your annoying chatter all the time." 

At this point Yuki had to stop his ranting for breathing and for the first time he registered the look on Shuichis face. 

The smile was gone. Wide blue eyes, the mouth slightly open, Shuichi starred at him in shock. 

Slowly Yuukis painful words fully reached his brain and began to sink in. 

'Yuki, so you really mean it this time? I'm just a lousy nuisance to you? Always in your way? That's what you mean, right?' he sadly thought and a twisted thought came to his mind that those words were the most Yuuki ever spoke to him. A poor statement for their relationship. If you even could call it like that. He now realized that whatever they had or at least what he thought they had was made up by him. Just an illusion to hide from the hard reality which was that 

_Yuuki didn't need him, didn't want him, didn't love him and that's it._

He understood now and he wouldn't be in his way anymore. 

Yuuki watched the reactions on his lovers face. One funny thing was that Shuichis face always displayed his emotions and what he saw gave him a bad feeling in his gut. First there was nothing just his frozen beautiful face with his wide blue eyes which starred at him disbelievingly. Then they clouded over and he could see how a mix of emotions washed over his face: surprise, hurt, confusion and pain, utter pain caused by him - Yuuki Eiri. 

His heart twisted as he saw his younger lovers pained expression and he wanted to make it go away so badly. He reached out as to touch Shuichis cheek as something caught his eye - the cold determination in Shuichis eyes which made his blood run cold in his vains. 

His hand dropped to his side. 

Confusion taking over his brain as he tried to understand what just happened to Shuichi. 'His body is all tensed up - I can feel it.' 

Mere inches apart Yuuki tried to catch Shuichis look but the pinkhaired man just starred right through him. 

'Shit. I think I did it this time. Looks like I crossed the line.' 

The thought raced through Yuuki's mind as his young lover stood up from their bed looking at him but still not really seeing him at all. Panicking he crawled over to Shuichi trying to grab his hand but stopped as a smile crept over his lovers face. But it wasn't his smile the one which was only reserved for him. It was only a plastered fake smile which didn't reach the young man's dull eyes which seemed to have lost its sparkling glow within those few minutes. 

_And there he stood with that horrible smile on his face smiling down_ _at him._

_And time stopped - as Shuichi's eyes looked right through him._

__

__Suddenly his expression changed and his usually cheerful self was back once again. And in a matter of seconds he started babbling about he's gonna be late for work now and he really has to hurry now and with that he bounced out of the door. 

A loud bang and Shuichi was gone. 

For a few seconds Yuuki just starred dumbfounded at the spot where Shuichi just stood. Then the anger started to creep back up. 

'Just what the fuck is going on. What's with all this weird attitude? I'm feeling bad here and he just sweeps back as if nothing happened and I already thought he'd gone nuts with that weird expression on his face.' 

At the memory he shuddered and fixed his thoughts back on the rushed exit of his lover. 

"Well maybe that was a good lesson to him and understood now that what I need is silence and not his constant chatter." 

As speaking the words they sounded empty and halfhearted. He shook his head a slight grin touched his mouth. 

"Who am I kidding? I'm so addicted to that spunky whirlwind by now how can I pretend to be better off without him?" 

Groaning he flipped his legs out off bed and padded over to his office where he lit a cigarette and switched on his laptop. His thoughts returned once again to Shuichi. A sigh escaped his lips. 

'Why am I doing this? Why do I let him stay with me? Do I really love him? Am I actually capable of loving somebody? I can't even love myself.' 

Yuuki crushed the remaining's of his cigarette in the litter, just to lit another one. 

'All he ever does is annoy me with his chatter, disturbing me in my work and ..... he reminds me of what I lost. 

Maybe it would be better if he wouldn't come back this time. Although there would be no chance of Shuichi not appearing at his doorstep after work. They would have dinner together, that pinkhaired baka would tell him about his tour coming up and then it was time to go to bed. Yeah, that was definitively a good idea. They always ended up making up like this.' 

A smile quickly lit up Yuuki Eiris features as he thought of his beautiful lover. 'Yep, it's definitively worth it to keep Shuichi around.' 

With that thought he turned his attention now to his laptop starting to type away the last chapter of his new book. 

******** 

Hi guys, I'd really appreciate it if you'd write me some critism - good or bad - I don't care. 

I never actually wrote something down although I make up stories quite often. 

I'm also new to the fanfiction writing. (I really enjoy reading all those great stories out there.) So I decided to try it out myself. ^_^ 


	2. The sun sets and realization dawns

Chapter 2: The sun sets and with it realization dawns 

The screen light reflected on his glasses as Yuki Eiri tapped away at the last chapter of his story. It was supposed to be the final scene of the story but somehow he couldn't decide just how he could fix the plot so that the heroine could end up with the hero. 

It looked like something went wrong during the plot and now there wasn't a realistic chance left to have them live together happily ever after. 

He tried out several turning events and endings but nothing seemed to fit. 

_As if destiny was against a happy ending._

Yuki frowned at his stubborn characters who didn't care if he had a deadline waiting or not. He looked at that damn blinking cursor mocking him to write the ending. The novelist ran his hands through his blond hair and then massaged his temples. He could feel the beginning of a headache from all that intense staring at the screen. 

'Maybe I should just let him or her die.' 

Yuki was tempted by the idea of having the book finally done but considering his readers he knew they would want a happy ending. 

'Nah, I can't have this.' 

He wrote for their damn money so they'll get their happy ending. If he would only knew how. 

Groaning he dropped his head on the table wishing he would have taken another job besides writing stupid love stories for needy teenage girls and bored home wifes. Yuki grimaced and leaned his head on his arm. 

'Who believes in that mushy love junk anyway? Geez.' 

He would have almost laughed about the idea of him and Shuichi riding on a white horse gen sunset with him confessing his undying love for that baka if his head wouldn't have hurt so much. 

'Shuichi.' 

That brought back the memory of the nasty little incident in the morning. 

'Oh no, now he is invading my mind again. How am I supposed to work if that stupid pink haired baka constantly distracts me from my work? Doesn't matter if he is actually here or not. I don't believe this.' 

Yuki had been thinking about what happened and Shuichi's weird behaviour all morning ever since he left. He couldn't get the painful look in Shuichi's eyes out of his head which made him only more angry at the boy. 

Furious he hit the save button and shut the laptop. 

'Doesn't look like I'm going to write anything useful today. It's all that baka's fault. Why does he always have to mess with me? He's just so much trouble.' 

Leaning back in his office chair he decided to go out and grab something for lunch as his mobile phone rang. 

'Great. If this is him, I'm giving him a piece of my mind for this weird act in the morning.' 

He already wanted to start yelling at the supposed-to-be Shuichi as a female voice reached his ear. 

'Gods no - she is the last one I need now.' 

He groaned; cut of his sister with a harsh 'Goodbye.' and 'Don't mess with my life!' and stalked then off to one of those small restaurants where hopefully nobody would bug him. He put on some more suitable clothing and left the appartment without another glance. 

****** 

Shuichi had been walking through the crowded midtown streets for hours already. His mind numb with the fresh pain Yuki Eiri had once again inflicted on him. 

He let himself carry by the people. 

It didn't matter to him where he went because he had no place to go back to. 

Yuki's words still ringing in his ears he couldn't stopp the tears welling up and slowly rolling down his face. There was no use of wiping them away because only more would follow. And as Shuichi silently cried he remembered all those moments he had with Yuki together. 

The time as Yuki wrote the song to help him to get over his slump, the day he said he would be his lover, their first night together or when they had been in the amusement park and the day in New York as Shuichi thought that he had lost Yuki. 

But he saved him, saved him from himself back there. 

Now it looked like he just delayed the inevitable. 

Their relationship wasn't under a good star from the beginning but he was too blinded by hopeful love and emotion that he couldn't see the signs. 

Signs that almost screamed for his attention. 

'I've been so stupid. I always played down Yuki's cold and indifferent attitude. Excusing it with the horrible experiences he had as a child. 

I've been fooling myself all along. I can't heal what doesn't want to be healed. 

_It's just like running into a stone wall again and again._

Whatever I will do, he will always push me away again. What kind of use is my love if he doesn't want it? I think he wants nobodys love. 

Not mine, not anybodys. 

I was just too stupid to get it. But if it's that what he wants. To have me out of his way forever - so it be.' 

Determination settled back on Shuichi's features as he strolled down the street. He wiped his tears away angrily. The air was cold and the tip of his nose was frozen already. Well, he was supposed to be going to the studio and not running around on the streets. But he wasn't feeling like having company, so as he spotted a public phone he called Sakano and made up an excuse that he couldn't come today. 

He needed to find some inspiration for his songs. Well, not the best excuse but nonetheless he didn't have to go to work now. 

Sakano was probably having a fit now, followed by an almost heart attack and finally being calmed down by Hiro and Suguru. A grin washed over his face as he thought of it. 

'Yeah, I still have my friends. They won't let me down. I can start a whole new life and with the U.S. tour coming up in January I don't have time to think about Yuki.' 

Shuichi was sure that this time he was able withstand to crawl back to the cold novelist who so easily broke his heart. But this time he broke it one time too often and it won't ever happen again. This Shuichi swore to himself as lightly snow began to fall in the afternoon on that fateful day in December. 

****** 

Meanwhile Yuki Eiri had ended up in the same crowd as Shuichi. Much too his annoyance. 

'Damn those people. Why does it have to be so crowded?' 

He pushed his way through the people trying to get to the restaurant. 

He was having a hard time and he was getting more upset at each passing minute. As he passed one of the department stores, he remembered why so many people were on the streets today. The window was nicley decorated with fake snow and a sleigh with reindeer's. Of course there was also a Santa with lot's of presents. 

'Oh yeah, how could I forget? Christmas is coming up.' 

He mumbled sarcastically before turning his back to the window. 

'Well, here I come. Next try.' 

He groaned and once again vanished in masses of people with Christmas shopping bags. 

By the time he reached the restaurant he was seriously pissed and regretted not having stayed at home. 

'At least this takes my mind of him and that stupid book.' 

He thought frustrated while waiting for the waitress. 

****** 

Shuichi spotted him right away as if he had an inner sensor for the novelist. 

It was always like that. Even in a concert with thousands of people he could still spot him. Although he seldom attended one but nonetheless. 

He saw Yuki sitting in a restaurant just a few meters across the street. It was one of the smaller ones located in one of the many side streets. Yuki had a window seat and Shuichi could see the still damp blond hair from the snow as it clung to his gracious neck. Shuichi was sure that he was able to catch a glimpse of Yuki's beautiful amber eyes as he took of his shades. The slender fingers interwined with each other as Yuki rested his head on them staring out the window. 

He never saw him, their sight didn't cross. 

Shuichi was relieved but it hurt as well. And suddenly he felt like the main highway of Tokyo was between them and not a few meters. Before he couldn't trust his feelings anymore Shuichi turned and broke into a run to get away from there. 

Running and never looking back. 

If he would have done so he could have seen a blond young man standing shivering and breathless in the entrance of a small restaurant searching for something that wasn't there anymore. 

****** 

Yuki sat in the restaurant waiting for his food as he got the odd feeling of being watched. Trying not to raise any suspicion, maybe some stupid reporter followed him intending to get a good story from the novelist, he turned his head slightly observing the restaurant. 

'Hm, there aren't many people in here.' 

But he didn't caught anybody watching nor looking suspicious. 

'Nah, now I'm already starting to imagine things. I'm certainly in for a vacation. Maybe I should leave the city for awhile.' 

He shook his head but he was not able to shake off the feeling of being watched. Yuki let his gaze travel through the window. 

People were still rushing past the window but not as many like on the main street. He stared at the snowflakes slowly falling towards earth for awhile as he saw a movement of pink out of the corner of his eye. 

His head jerked up looking for the familar pinkish hair. He didn't know why his heart started racing and the bad unsettling feeling in his gut was back as he caught a glimpse of pink vanishing in the crowd. 

That was enough to make him jump up, race to the door out to the street. 

Yuki scanned the opposite sidewalk and the corner's of the main street sidewalk 

but he couldn't spot the pink anymore and disappointment crept up. 

He stood a little longer gazing into nothingness as he felt the cold wind whip against his face. Yuki shut the door and went back to his seat ignoring the odd looks he was receiving from the other customers. 

With a heavy sigh he dropped onto his chair trying to figure out why he got this bad feeling everytime he thought or was reminded of Shuichi. The incident in the morning was eating at him and the more he thought about what happened and Shuichi's pained eyes the more difficult he found it to push the thought aside and let it slide into the catagory of the usual argument between him and Shuichi. 

Yuki Eiri couldn't get rid of the feeling that this time it was different. 

****** 

His heart raced in his chest, the pink hair clung to his head as he skidded to a halt. Shuichi didn't know how long he had been running. Back then he only knew that he had to get away from there or he might have broken down. 

Looking around he realized that he was in front of Yuki's appartment block. Knowing that Yuki wouldn't be back for some time he took the opportunity to get his things. He took the elevator up and a few minutes later he stood in the appartment where he had been living for more than a year. 

Shuichi looked around and realized for the first time how cold and void of colors the place looked. It never mattered to him before but he started to ask himself how he could've been living here. Not one personal thing of Yuki Eiri grazed the walls nor anything that made the room look like somebody was living here. 

Slowly Shuichi got his pack out of the closet starting to drop his stuff inside. 

His clothes, his Nittle Grasper videos, music tapes and other things. It didn't took him long to pack, and as he was done, he wandered one last time around the appartment. 

He stopped in Yuki's bedroom. 

Looking at the bed he remembered how he was allowed to sleep with Yuki together since that day in New York. He smiled bitterly. 

'So I shared your bed but nothing much else, hm?!' 

He turned to find himself looking into the full sized mirror on the door of the closet. He stared at himself. A 21 year old with pink damp hair, pale skin, sad blue eyes, wearing even in the middle of winter a pink tank top, black tight pants and a thick yellow coat. He sighted turning away from his reflection unable to bear the pityful sight any longer. 

Shuichi grabed his pack, locked the door, let the key slide into the mail box and walked with that out of Yuki Eiri's life. 

****** 

It was late as Yuki Eiri stepped into his appartment brushing the snow remains of his shoulders. It had started snowing on his way home and he had heard a snow storm was heading this way. Luckily he was at home now. The novelist changed out of the wet clothing, dropping the pile on the bathroom floor. 

"I hope that idiot is coming home soon. He'll catch his death out there." 

Yuki grumbled as he went to fix himself a cup of tea in the kitchen. 

As he stood there looking how the sun was setting, the bad feeling in his gut returned. Something felt different he just couldn't lay a finger on it. 

He walked back to the main room. 

The last sunrays illuminated the darkened room as his gaze wandered around the room. His eyes settled on a spot on the couch where something was missing. That stupid pink bunny wasn't in its usual place. 

'What was his name again? Ah, yeah Kumagoro. Ryuichi gave it to him. Shuichi's all so famous idol.' 

That thought crossed his mind before he could stop it. Being jealous on Ryuichi Sakuma wasn't new to him but he disliked the thought of him being jealous on something. He had everything he needed. Pushing the thought aside he still couldn't stop the doubt nagging at his heart. 

After acknowledging that the bunny was gone he realized that other things were missing as well. There were no video tapes scattered in front of the TV and the playstation was nowhere in sight. Actually Yuki couldn't spot any of Shuichi's things. 

'What the fuck?! He wouldn't really do this.' Maybe Shuichi was hurt by what he had said. But it wasn't the first time he yelled at him. 

'He shouldn't be so touchy about it. He rather should be....be used to it.' 

With a sickening feeling Yuki realized what a disgusting thing it was to suppose Shuichi getting used to his cruel words and actions. He dropped his head in his hands as he came to a halt again in the main room. 

There was no trace of Shuichi's things in the whole appartment. 

_It was as if Shuichi had never been with him._

Yuki dropped to the floor as it dawned on him that Shuichi wouldn't come back to him. 

Maybe never ever again. 

****************************** 

So you guys, this is the second chapter. It got rather long in comparison to chapter one. 

How do you like the grumpy Yuki? It was so much fun to write him. ^_^ 

Tell me what you think. It inspires me for future chapters. 

I'd also appreciate it if you could tell me if the rating is okay or not. I'm not so sure where to put this because of Yuki's not so fine language. 

By the way thanks for reviewing the first chapter. Look out for chapter three, it's already written and I'll post it pretty soon. 


	3. Flashbacks

Chapter 3: Flashbacks 

Dawn crept up in the cold winter morning. 

First sun rays swirled through the room coming to rest on a fluff of pink hair in a too large bed. Shuichi squeezed his eyes even tighter curling up in a ball. He didn't want to wake up. 

If he just stayed here in bed, he could pretend nothing happened. But it was too late already. 

He was alone in bed. No warmth to snuggle into. No strong arms to hold him. No amber eyes to look into when he woke up. 

Not anymore. He ended it yesterday. 

Yesterday - the day Shuichi Shindou left Yuki Eiri. 

Not the other way round. He ended it. Not Yuki - not this time. 

He tried not to move too much. Pain numbed him and he didn't know what hurt more his body or his heart. 

'I didn't know that you could die from heartbreak but I feel like I'm dying.' 

Shuichi moaned. His head hurt like hell and as he opened his eyes he saw black spots. The sunlight shone brightly into the room. After adjusting his eyes to the light he realized that he 

didn't know where he was. 

Confusion washed over him and he tried to sat up. In an instant his head was spinning and he gripped the sheets tightly until it was over. Slowly opening his eyes again he let his gaze wander around the room. 

It was rarely furnished; just his bed, a closet, a table with some chairs and it looked like that a bathroom was behind the door across the room. It looked like the room of a motel and as his gaze fell upon the night stand beside him it was confirmed. 

On it was a small letter with the house rules written neatly upon it. So he did make it to a motel last night. Although he wasn't quite sure what exactly happened after leaving Yuki's apartment. 

He remembered that he didn't know where to go. He neither felt like going to his family or to Hiro. His best friend would surely let him stay but he would probably know right away that something was wrong. And he couldn't talk about it back then. He needed to think first. So he decided to go to a nearby park instead where he chose to sit on a bench and sort out his life. 

___flashback___

The bench was cold as he sat down on it. He dropped his pack beside him watching some kids ice-skating on the small pond. 

It was late in the afternoon already and it would be getting dark soon. But Shuichi couldn't bring himself to go look for a place to stay for the night - not yet at least. 

Shuichi knew that he wouldn't nor couldn't go back to Yuki. 

But what should he do now? For the last two years Yuki Eiri was his center of attention, happiness, life. 

He still had his music, yes, he loved to sing but it didn't help against his sorrow. He covered his face with his hands. 

They were cold but not as cold as he felt inside. 

'Is this how Yuki feels? A cold layer of ice closing around your heart, slowly cracking it?' 

He shook his head. 

'No, I'm not like Yuki and I can't live like him with my emotions all frozen up.' 

It wasn't an option. It wasn't an solution. He sighed. 

Shuichi stretched to shake of the cold and rubbed his hands together as he felt something soft brush against his side. 

He glanced to his left where Kumagoro was poking out of a pocket in his pack. Shuichi smiled a little and took it out and looked in its black little eyes. 

"Say Kumagoro, what should I do now? Do you think I can make it?" 

He waited for an answer but it looked like he wouldn't get one. A funny thing but it seemed like Kumagoro only talked when Ryuichi was around. 

Shuichi drew the pink plush bunny in his embrace hiding his face in its soft plush fur. Tears threatened to well up again and he hugged the little bunny even tighter. He felt tired and it was almost dark by now. 

The singer yawned and his eyelids began to drop. 

"I feel so lost without him. Not even a a day passed by and I miss him already." 

Came the small whisper before his eyes fully closed. 

_end flashback_

After that everything was black. 

Shuichi couldn't remember what happened after that. And he had no idea how he ended up in the motel room. 

'Maybe....maybe he came looking for me and he brought me here?' 

But the longer he considered the thought the more obvious it became that it was out of the question. How should Yuki have known that he was in the park? Even if it was close by to his apartment block. 

Shuichi groaned as his head started hurting even more from trying to remember what happened last night. He decided to leave it at that and carefully climbed out of bed. 

For the first time he saw that his body was covered with kind of ugly blue bruises. It looked like as if he had fallen down the stairs. He figured that those were frost bites at least from the look of it. He brushed lightly over them as pain instantly cursed through his body. 

'Looks like it would be better to wear something more casual today.' 

At least nothing like his usual pink shirt and tight black pants outfit. Carefully climbing out of bed Shuichi stumbled across the room where he spotted his pack. 

'Where are my old clothes anyway? Argh, probably already stuffed in my pack. Ugh, my head hurts so much.' 

Slowly he put on some loose wide clothes hiding the ugly bruising. It wasn't a really nice sight so he figured it would be better not to show anyone. They would probably laugh about him or be angry at him for being stupid enough to stay out so long in the cold. Suguru would probably say something about him being irresponsible like a little child. 

After getting dressed he grabbed his pack, left the motel and headed towards the tram station. 

'Thanks god that was a 'prepay room'. I already thought they'd keep me there for making beds and stuff. Although the guy at the front desk could have been nicer. 

Geez, I had a rough day yesterday. So no wonder I forgot about it. I was probably half asleep anyway when I showed up there yesterday night. That doesn't mean he has the right to call me a stupid baka and throw me out.' 

He grumbled while walking down the street. 

'Stupid baka.' That reminded him on Yuki. He always called him a stupid baka. Not a nice way to say that you like somebody. 

'Oh but how could I forgot? Yuki didn't like me. I'm just a burden to him.' 

And that's why he left him. 

By now he was at the tram station thinking about where to go. Today was a Sunday so he was off. He probably should go see Hiro. His best friend always knew what to do. 

'Yeah. I'll do that. Shuichi Shindou is nobody's burden. I'll show him. I'll show everybody. I can make it own my own. I'm not a stupid little boy anymore.' 

Feeling already better he jumped into the tram right before the doors closed. It never accured to him how he could have gotten from the park in the south of the city to the northern edge of Tokyo in a snow storm. 

****** 

On the opposite side of the city Yuki Eiri was sitting on his couch smoking a cigarette contemplating how it was possible that his life was turned up side down in just 24 hours. Up to now he had been sure that something like this couldn't happen again but it looked like fate got him again. It just wasn't fair. 

He throw an accusing look at Kumagoro who was sitting beside him as if the poor bunny carried the fault that Shuichi had ran away from him. His mind was a turmoil, no matter how cool and controlled he appeared on the outside, Yuki Eiri was a mess. 

Sighing he stood up, walked over to the window and gazing at the gray snow clouds at the sky. It looked like it was going to snow soon. Just like yesterday. 

_flashback_

As Yuki came home in the evening he realized that Shuichi had packed his stuff and moved out without a good-bye. At first he couldn't really believe it. He never even thought in his dream that Shuichi would actually leave him out of his own free will. 

It took a while to get that into his skull. It didn't matter how long and hard he tried to deny it this time, he had to do the first move or Shuichi would slip away from him. And this would crush him and he wasn't too sure if he could take it a second time. 

So he grabbed his phone thinking of who he should call. Shuichi would probably turn to Hiro first but he couldn't bring himself to call Shuichi's best friend telling him that he messed up again. Not after they had the silent agreement back then that he would take care of Shuichi for him. 

And what if Shuichi wasn't there? What if he was somewhere out there in that terrible weather? 

The snow started to fall heavier with each passing minute. 

It made him sick to imagine that his little pink haired baka could be out there. 

Instead of dialing Hiro's number he called the president of NG: Tohma Seguchi. Waiting for the connection he hoped that his child hood friend knew how to find Shuichi. 

But he should get a grip on himself it wasn't like he was really worried he assured himself. As soon as this thought passed his mind he could mentally kick himself for not even being able to admit to himself that he was worried. That kind of attitude got him in that mess in the first place. And by now he should have learned to be true to himself. Not having any further time to investigate that thought, the line clicked and a familiar voice greeted him. 

Yuki didn't answer. Tohma waited a while before giving him a little push. 

"Yes, Yuki, what is it?" 

Finally finding his voice Yuki came straight to the point. 

"He left me. He packed his things and moved out." 

There was a pause on the other side of the line. 

"You probably don't want to hear that I expected that all along. It was clear to me from the beginning that it couldn't work out between you two. You are just too different and there are still things he can't understand about your past." 

"But he said he loves me." 

Came the small whisper back. Tohma shook his head and sighed. That was what he feared all along. Yuki was beginning to realize how much Shuichi meant to him. And he still had no idea how to convince Yuki that it would be better for him if he stayed away from Shuichi. 

"Listen Yuki we've been through this a hundred times. You should just leave -- " 

"No! No, I won't leave it at this. Shuichi and I have been through so much together and you're telling me to give him up?! Looks like I shouldn't have called you." 

Yuki shook sadly his head invisible for the man on the other side of the phone. 

"I'm sorry. You know Mika and I only want what's best for you." 

Changing the theme he asked: 

"You want me to find him, ne?!" 

"Yes." 

A sigh escaped the young president lips. 

"All right then. I'll call you right away when I know where he is." 

"Thanks. Good-bye." 

Not waiting for an answer he dropped the phone and started to wander around in his apartment. It was terrible cold and void without Shuichi's things scattered everywhere. 

A short while later he got a call from Tohma confirming what he had feared secretly all along. None of Shuichi's friends or family knew where he was. That did it. 

Sick of waiting Yuki grabbed his coat and left to look for Shuichi by himself. 

****** 

He wasn't very far from his apartment block as he decided to take the short cut through the park. It could be possible that Shuichi had been going to one of the small food restaurants which had open all night. 

The wind had picked up on speed and the snow flakes were dancing in the cold light of the park lights. Yuki couldn't get rid of this bad feeling lingering in his gut ever since this morning. The wind hauled in his ears freezing slowly his face and hands. 

'Funny!' 

He thought as he fought his way through the park. 

'It almost sounded as if someone was calling for me. Spooky.' 

Yuki Eiri shuddered and hurried off to the exit of the park without wasting another thought on it. As he reached the restaurant, he could already see from the outside that it was empty but he still went in anyway to ask the waitress if she had seen a pink haired boy sometime today. 

And she really did see an actually really "cute" young man how she called him, pass by in the late afternoon looking quite devasted. He probably headed to the park. But he wouldn't be there anymore with this snow storm going on out there. She wouldn't even let a dog stay out in this weather. 

Yuki only starred at her, suddenly remembering the strange noises as he crossed the park. Without another thought he turned and raced back to the park. Only a few minutes later he where in the same spot like before. 

The wind was still hauling but it sounded different almost sad now. 

"Shuuuichi!" 

He yelled into the dark but only the wind answered him. 

Calling for his younger lover he took the path leading to the lake as he suddenly stepped onto something soft. 

Gazing down at his feet he tried to identify on what he stepped. 

What he saw made his heart stop, beneath his foot was Kumagoro. Horrified he picked the crushed pitiful little bunny up, and then he started screaming again for Shuichi until his voice was hoarse. Something was very wrong because Shuichi would never leave his favorite little bunny in the park - no matter what. 

_end flashback_

__

__

Argh, the chapters are kinda getting out of hand. I wanted to put much more in this chapter but I didn't know how and had to rewrite it. I also figured the story line would suffer then. Cuz I'm building up for a real twist. He he! 

This time I made Yuki worry a lot. I thought I could make him a little bit more "human" cuz it's playing after the TV series. I guess he knew back then he felt something for Shuichi. 

Our little pink haired sweetie is holding up quite good, ne?! Don't worry they'll meet each other soon....if I can somehow arrange it. *grin* 

Anyway thanks for reviewing. A lot of you thought that I'd let poor Shuichi die. I love to write angst but it'd be sad to have one of the main charas already die in the second chapter, ne?! ^_^ 

Thanks also for showing me my spelling mistakes. I hope now everybody "sighs" and not "sights". My teacher would probably call that German-English.... 

Oh and one more thing, I was asked to find a title for the fic. I'm having a hard time so I'd be happy for some suggestions. Maybe something with "emotions"...? Ah, well thanks for reading. Love ya all. ^_^ See ya in chapter 4 !!! 


	4. Good news

Chapter4: Good news 

It's been three days since Yuki Eiri had found Kumagoro in the small park nearby. Three days in his apartment waiting for Shuichi to come back. 

But nothing came. No letter, no call, no Shuichi. 

'So we're past then, ne?!' 

He sat thinking once again on his black leather couch where Shuichi used to sleep at the beginning of their relationship. After finding the bunny in the park he had been searching and calling for what seemed for hours. But he couldn't find a trace of his missing lover. 

Finally he went back home hoping that Tohma would call. Yuki didn't have to wait long for the call. Tohma Seguchi kept it short simply informing him that Shuichi was staying with Hiro. 

Yuki felt relieved. Relieved that his little baka was up and well but he was also disappointed that Shuichi was rather with Hiro than with him. 

The novelist sighed. Somehow always everything went wrong in his life. And just when he thought their relationship was going somewhere. He had shared his dirty secrets of his past with Shuichi, he even started to trust and believe in Shuichi's love and then the little baka had to mess everything up by running away from him. 

Leaving Yuki Eiri behind with endless doubts. 

'Although like usual it wasn't really Shuichi's fault, wasn't it?!' 

The novelist sighed, his thoughts were running wild. 

But of course one day it had to end like this. How could he fool himself into believing that Shuichi would always stay with him if he kept his cold attitude up? A bitter smile played on his lips. 

"How am I able to be such a good writer if I can't even tell him how much he means to me?" He thought aloud. 

Yuki stood up walking over to the window remembering what Shuichi had said almost a year ago. 

_'You are mine.' _

__

'Yes, I will be his and Shuichi will be mine forever as well. 

I won't loose him.' He clang to that thought because if he wouldn't believe in it that would mean he would give up the best thing what ever had happened to him in life. 

So with that settled he had only to figure out how to convince Shuichi of coming back to him. Another frustrated sigh escaped his lips. 

'Looks like this is going to be more difficult than I thought.' 

Yuki Eiri groaned. 

Running his hand through his hair he turned to look at the watch. 

'Damn, I totally forgot that I'm supposed to meet Tohma for lunch. Hopefully he has some news about Shuichi.' 

He took his coat and left his apartment. 

****** 

It was already almost 1 p.m. Tohma was already waiting for him. The blond smiled slightly gesturing for him to take the seat opposite of him. 

"You don't look too good Eiri. You should take better care of yourself." Tohma Seguchi greeted him. 

Yuki frowned but let it slide. Tohma was an old friend and he knew him better than anybody else. 

Well, Shuichi was a different matter though... 

He turned his attention back to the blond before him. Tohma had been talking about Shuichi's and his relationship. He never agreed with them being together in the first way. Of course Tohma thought that now was the perfect time to convince him of forgetting about Shuichi. 

"Like I said before it was supposed to end like that. It shouldn't have been from the beginning. It would be better if you would forget about him. It saves you worry and Shuichi could concentrate on his carrier. It's the best for both of you." 

Yuki shook his head. Sighing he tried to make himself understood and he wasn't really too good at expressing his feelings about a certain someone. But he would try nonetheless. 

"How can I forget everything? Act as if nothing had happened?" 

Yuki searched for words and tried to explain. 

"During the last year a lot happened. I never thought about where this relationship would actually lead. Shuichi is clumsy, chaotic and way too loud. He messed up my life a lot but because of me he had to endure a lot of pain. And this is my fault. This time I hurt him again and he left me. But I won't run away this time, he's mine and I will get him back." His own determination left him stunned and a glance to Tohma let him knew that the head of NG was shocked as well. 

'Well,' Yuki thought, 'that was probably the longest time I ever talked about my feelings. Not bad. I should keep that dialog for my book in mind.' 

As he watched the very startled Tohma Seguchi he felt slightly amused. Moments passed as his usually reserved brother-in-law regained his composure. 

Tohma Seguchi carefully observed Yuki Eiri's face. He knew him since they were kids and he knew as well that Shuichi stirred something in his friend what everybody thought died long ago. Back then he promised himself not to let Eiri get hurt again. Now Eiri couldn't see that it would be best for him to let Shuichi go as long as it was still possible before it would end in a disaster. 

Changing the theme he tried another option. 

"You look worn out. How about we just enjoy lunch for now okay?!" 

They fell into silence as they ordered their meals. After lunch Yuki lit a cigarette both sitting in comfortable silence as Tohma again advanced Yuki. 

"Mika told me she's going to visit your parents over Christmas. Your mother wishes to see you as well. It would be a nice little family reunion. And you certainly look like you could use a vacation. It'd be quite nice and you could gather your thoughts for your writing." 

Yuki didn't reply right away. He knew what Tohma had in mind. But he was still surprised that his parents tagged along after the mess with Ayaka. But the concept of visiting his family wasn't new to him. His sister already tried to bring him back to his family for a while now. His mother would surely be very happy. But his father was a different matter after they had parted in anger the last time. 

Still it seemed like a good idea to leave Tokyo. He would have a chance to clear his head. 

But still there was Shuichi. First, he had to put things straight between them. If not he couldn't relax for a minute. Yuki knew that already from experience. Nobody else, especially not Shuichi knew about this. Whenever his little lover was upset he felt bad. And he would do everything to make Shuichi happy again. Just too bad that most of the time it didn't really work out that way. Usually he would end up say something carelessly so Shuichi would start crying and running over to Hiro bawling his eyes out and then come back to him. End of story. 

'Well, it _used_ to be like that.' 

He looked up to Tohma who had been watching him. Indifferently the novelist answered. 

"I will think about it. When do you need my answer?" 

Tohma smiled. 'That's good enough for a start.' 

We will be leaving on the 24th with my private plane. I still have some work to do on that day so we will be leaving around seven in the evening. You can call me if you wish to join us. Your parents as well as your sister and I would be very happy." 

Yuki looked thoughtful but nodded. 

"So then that's settled. I'm quite sorry but I have to leave now. I'll be expected for a very important meeting shortly." 

The blond stood up bowing slightly. 

"Take good care of yourself and call me if you have made up your mind. Good-bye!" 

Yuki didn't reply but nodded in reply. Left alone at the table he thought about what to do concerning his relationship with Shuichi. He wasn't sure how to handle this. Usually Shuichi made the first move after a mess like this. With a sigh he dropped his head on his hands. This was going to be much tougher than he thought. He had no idea how his characters always managed to make up. For once his creative mind was very empty. 

****** 

A loud crash was audible from the kitchen. Followed by a loud yell and a second later a very much black Shuichi stood in the frame to Hiro's living room. Holding up a pulsing glowing red hand he bounded over to a quite scared looking Hiro wailing loudly over his burnt hand. 

"Whaaaa, Hiro it hurts so much. Pleeeease, you have to make it better! Whaaaaaa!" 

By now Shuichi had jumped on Hiro bubbling and crying at the same time. Hiro carefully freed himself of Shuichi putting the black bundle of energy on the couch. 

"Calm down. Calm down. I'll get some stuff from the first aid kit." 

He breathed before racing into the bathroom. Shuichi was always good for a heart attack. Hiro had no idea how he and his apartment were supposed to survive him for the time being. Probably Ayaka would kill him once she returned from her trip if anything would be ruined. That wasn't exactly what he had been looking forward to. He shook his head and hurriedly ran over to a still loudly wailing Shuichi. 

Gently he applied something of the cooling creme he had found in the first aid kit. Carefully he massaged it in circles on Shuichi's hand which actually wasn't burnt too badly. Luckily, it was a rather mild case. 

But Shuichi was hurting nonetheless maybe not so much from the burn but somehow Shuichi couldn't stop the tears from spilling out of his eyes. So Hiro wrapped up the burnt hand and gently hugged his friend in a comfortingly way. Hiro knew that Shuichi did his best to not let him dragged down by his sorrow but being an emotional person like Shuichi it was very hard for him. 

Being his best friend he understood. 

Two days before Shuichi had shown up at his door saying that he made up his mind and left Yuki Eiri - for real. 

He didn't say anything more and just asked if he could stay with him for a while because he didn't feel like moving back to his parents. Shuichi was unusually cheerful for just breaking up with Yuki. It was almost scary if sometimes Hiro wouldn't have caught him staring off sadly into nothingness. Despite everything the singer held up pretty well. Shuichi was as energetic as ever at the rehearsals for the upcoming tour and fooling around as always. 

So his friends at work didn't suspect a thing and Hiro thought it wasn't his job to fill them in. If Shuichi would want to he'd tell them himself. 

Although Hiro figured so much that Tohma Seguchi knew what had happened between the singer and the novelist being Yuki Eiri's closest 'friend'. Hiro was at a loss about the situation and that only made him more angry at the careless novelist who had broken his promise to never make Shuichi cry again. Shuichi was his best friend he would make sure that this was the last time Yuki Eiri did something like this to poor little Shu-san. Maybe Shuichi was a bit naive for his own good but he was kind and cared about the cold novelist a lot. But what did he got in return? A bunch of harsh words that would only destroy another piece of his innocence. 

Maybe it was good that everything is over now. 

It would be a painful progress for Shuichi but hopefully time would heal his wounds and the tour would help him to take his mind of Yuki. He gently stroked Shuichis blackened hair. 

"Come on now. Let's get cleaned up and head to the studio. Tohma called and said he has a surprise for us." 

He smiled encouragingly. Promptly Shuichi who had only sniffling by now sat up straight and curiously blinked back at him getting all round puppy eyes. 

"A surprise???!!! Yay!!" 

A smile was back on his lips as he jumped up and raced into the bathroom and was ready in less than 15 minutes. 

"Come on you slowpoke! I'm gonna be there first." 

The pink haired boy flashed him a smile and raced out of the door. Hiro smiled softly, shook his head and darted after his friend. 

The worries were forgotten - for now. 

******* 

At the studio they met K, Sakano and Suguru who were waiting already in Tohma's office. The president himself was absent. 

"Geez. What took you so long?" 

Shaking his head Suguru greeted his friends. He was almost knocked over by Shuichi's enthusiastic greeting who then started to bounce around the room demanding to get to know the surprise. 

A smile crept over his lips. Shuichi was really an energetic person. 

Sakano was nervously pacing up and down throwing up his hands over his head from time to time muttering to himself. Hiro kept hearing things like "I'm dead." - "He'll fire me." - "Oh good lord help me." And so on. 

K was reloading his gun - just in case. 

And Suguru just rolled his eyes at the usual scene questioning himself how he could end up with them in the first place. Nobody noticed that Tohma Seguchi had entered through a side door in the meantime and had been watching the scene with a bemused smile. 

Although he was slightly surprised about Shuichi's behavior he didn't show it. He had been expecting a shaken quiet boy but not this bundle bursting with energy. He coughed drawing the attention of the others. 

Everybody was startled turning their heads to the young president of NG. Tohma Seguchi smiled as he took a seat behind his desk. 

"I have good news for you. Due to the America tour upcoming in January the fans keep demanding a final concert before you leave." 

The group drew their breath waiting with anticipation for what was to come. Sakano was at the point of fainting but he still managed to focos on Tohma's words. 

"That means we will have a special Christmas concert for all the fans out there on December 24th. It's going to be in the Tokyo City Hall. It will start at 7 p.m. NG will announce the concert tomorrow. We will have about two weeks left. Everything will be ready by then. Any comments?" 

He looked around. Everybody stared at him before chaos broke loose. Shuichi was dancing with Hiro through the office. K was busy shooting holes into the ceiling and Suguru tried to get Sakano who fainted during Tohma's last speech back to the living. The blond grinned at the group. 

"Looks like everything is settled then. By the way on December 20th we will have a Christmas party here in the company. A lot of important person will be here on that day so be sure to show off your chocolate side." 

By now Sakano was back among the living eagerly bowing and assuring that everything will be going just fine. Before they finally left the office Tohma called out to Shuichi. The pink haired singer turned back. 

"Yeah, what is it? I'm really looking forward to the concert and the tour." 

Shuichi smiled happily. 

"That's good. I just wanted to let you know that Ryuichi is waiting for you in the lobby. He wanted to talk to you." 

"Really???!!! Wahhoo. I'm going to meet Ryuichi-san." 

Bad Luck's singer turned and almost flew down the stairs to meet his idol. 

****** 

In the lobby Shuichi almost ran over Ryuichi Sakuma the singer of Nittle Grasper and his idol ever since he came into high school. The brown haired man with the ever present pink bunny was quite a bit older and even being a star as Nittle Grasper's singer he acted like a three year old most of the time. But on stage Ryuichi Sakuma changed into a shining star moving millions with his voice. 

At the beginning Shuichi wanted to be exactly like him until he realized that he had his own style and his fans loved him for it. Nevertheless, Ryuichi was one of his best friends and he still adored him a lot. 

Like always Kumagoro greeted him first. 

"Hija Shuichi-san. You finally came. I've been waiting a whole hour." 

He could hear the pouting in the cute voice. He instantly felt sorry for the little bunny and knelt before him. 

"Oh, I'm so sorry. Do you think if I would treat you to ice cream you wouldn't be sad anymore?" 

Inwardly grinning he added. "It'd be really fun and I have great news, too. It's really too bad that Ryuichi isn't here. I was really looking forward to see him." 

Promptly a shout came from behind the bench Shuichi had been standing before. 

"Whoaaa waaaiit, Kumagoro, Shuichi-san hold it. I'm right here. I wanna go to. Pretty please??!!!" 

A head poked from behind the bench looking with pleading puppy dog eyes at a grinning Shuichi. He loved that game, it always made him feel better. 

Shuichi then took both Ryuichi and Kumagoro to a nearby ice cream parlor where they each a huge cup of ice cream. 

"So what are the news you were talking about Shuichi?" 

The brown haired man wanted to know. 

"Oh, I almost forgot. We're having a Christmas concert on December 24th. Do you wanna come? It's gonna be really cool." 

Enthusiastically both started talking about music, the America tour and Ryuichi provided him with tips about the foreign country. Suddenly Shuichi remembered something. 

"Ano, Ryuichi. Tohma said you wanted to talk to me." 

Curious he looked at the older man. 

"Yeah that's right. Well, it's like that. I heard that you moved out of Yuki's apartment." 

At this a flash of pain crossed Shuichi's face but was gone as quickly as it came but Ryuichi caught it nevertheless. Carefully he explained. 

"You know since I'm back in Japan I had only lived in hotels or in an apartment at NG headquarters while moving back and forth to the US and Japan. But now I intend on staying on a long time period in Japan and I thought it'd be nicer if Kumagoro and I could live in an own apartment. You know Kumagoro doesn't really like hotel rooms that much." 

The pinkish little bunny nodded his head in agreement. 

"So we want to rent our own apartment and well, I wanted to ask you if you want to tag along. I could use a room mate. And with you being my friend and also looking for a place to stay..." 

Hopefully he looked at a surprised Shuichi. The singer of Bad Luck was very surprised. A lot of things had happened in the past three days. Hiro would let him stay as long as he wanted to but it wasn't a solution. Hiro had a girlfriend and when Ayaka came back from her trip to Kyoto it surely would be a little small for the three of them. 

'So why not take up the offer? Geez, I could live together with Ryuichi Sakuma. I could learn a lot from him and it would be most definitely a lot of fun.' 

And Ryuichi wanted him to be his room mate. Smiling he looked at Ryuichi replying that they should start right away to look for a suitable apartment. 

"Yay, let's go." 

Ryuichi jumped up and grabbed Shuichi's hand dragging him out to the street and together they bounced through the crowd enjoying themselves. 

************************************************************* 

Hi everybody, sorry that it took me longer to update this time. We had off on October 3rd (national day) so I went to my parents house and stayed there over the weekend. I only wrote the basics for chapter 4 & 5. And having so much time between chapter 3 and 4 I really hope I'm not too off track by now. I also was quite pissed off at work as well and didn't feel like writing. Our British secretary told me not too use "okay" on the phone when speaking English or German. It's too American. How stupid is that? It really annoys me that some people keep insisting that I use and pronounce the word (in) British. I do like the British accent but habit is habit. Anyway I should stop sulking about that stupid ....... . 

Please tell me what'd you think maybe it cheers me up a bit. 

Take care, everybody. ^_^ 


	5. Shared secrets

Chapter 5: Shared secrets 

Moving in with Ryuichi was a step in the right direction everybody had assured him. He had talked it over with Hiro a couple of times agreeing it would be the best way to move on with his life. 

Hiro was also sure that the always cheerful singer of Nittle Grasper would take Shuichi's mind off Yuki Eiri. Shuichi needed all his energy for the upcoming rehearsals for the Christmas concert and the closer drawing America tour. And it looked like it was a good decision, Shuichi was happy and burst with energy. 

Ryuichi Sakuma always tagged along with his pink little bunny Kumagoro and it was obvious how good they befriended each other. Hiro could feel a twinge of jealousy but he was still grateful that Ryuichi could make Shuichi forget about Yuki. 

As far as he knew Shuichi and Yuki hadn't met after their break up. Nobody heard or saw the novelist but the media was talking about a writing block after Yuki kept delaying his latest book. So maybe he wasn't all too unaffected by the events. Hiro figured that sooner or later Shuichi and Yuki had to confront each other and then it will show if everything between them was just an illusion. 

He knew also that Yuki Eiri was invited to the Christmas party being related to Tohma Seguchi. So in a couple of days they would all know where Shuichi and Yuki stood. 

****** 

Tohma stand in his office looking out of the window. On his desk lay an invitation card openly with Yuki Eiri's name written upon it. He hadn't talked to Yuki in a while. Knowing the introverted novelist since they were still in school he knew that Yuki wanted to be alone. 

But it couldn't go on like this forever. If he stayed in his room and kept denying that Shuichi left him then the situation was worse than before. Then everything what he Tohma Seguchi had tried was for nothing. But he believed in Yuki and in Shuichi as well. 

The latter was doing quite well. After he had asked Ryuichi Sakuma his old friend to take care of Shuichi, the pink haired singer seemed back to his old self and things went well for Bad Luck. He had figured so much. Knowing full well how much Shuichi adored the singer of Nittle Grasper he couldn't dwell in his sorrow for long being a happy nature anyway. 

But Yuki was a different matter. Tohma had hoped that once Yuki saw Shuichi move on and be happy again he could let him go. But how can he realize that if he didn't came out of his apartment. Tohma sighed. Maybe it would have been better they had stayed together. But Shuichi had made a decision and now it was left to him to fix things. He smiled bitterly. Somehow he always ended up cleaning up Yuki's mess. Not that the novelist would care anyway. 

Turning away from the window he sank into his comfortable leather chair thinking about Yuki and Shuichi's relationship and with coming up a way how to convince Yuki of attending the upcoming Christmas party. 

He sighed once more. 

'Why does life have to be so complicated?' 

****** 

Yuki hadn't left his room after he had talked to Tohma. His brother-in-law was very worried about him. He knew that but Yuki didn't really care what was going on in the outside world. With Shuichi gone he had realized how important the little pink haired baka was to him. 

He hadn't written a single word since then, not being able to concentrate on his book. He had no idea how to end it anyway. By now his manager was devastated and the media speculated about a writing block. His fans were overflowing him with encouraging letters but he didn't really care. 

Yuki only wanted to see Shuichi but he wasn't so sure what would happen if he would actually stand in front of him. Should he apologize? No. Yuki Eiri never apologized and Shuichi knew that. He groaned. That pink haired baka was really good at messing up his life but that wasn't really anything new. 

Deciding it wasn't a very good idea to spent the rest of the year in his apartment he decided to pay Tohma a visit. Back in his mind a voice reminded him that Bad Luck would go touring in America in January and then he wouldn't have a chance to see Shuichi for a long time. He had to patch up things before he left. Yuki put on his coat, stuffed Kumagoro in his pocket, it reminded him on Shuichi, and left for NG headquarters. 

****** 

Shuichi felt good today. It was fun living with Ryuichi. He always understood what he meant being so similar in his nature as Shuichi. Around Ryuichi he could do silly things like bounce and yell and sing and nobody would roll his eyes. Ryuichi would just simply join in. He couldn't remember the last time when he felt so content with his life. 

Happily he skipped along on the sidewalk on his way to the studio. He was supposed to meet up with Ryuichi in front of the building. 

After leaving Yuki he had felt very bad and he cried a lot when alone in his bed. One night Ryuichi stood in his door looking serious and with a sad expression on his face. He sat beside him on his bed taking him in his arms and soothed him. After Shuichi calmed down he quietly began to talk. 

"You know being alone is very hard. Especially if there is someone you miss very much." 

He gently caressed Shuichis hair. Questioningly Shuichi looked up to the singer of Nittle Grasper. He was surprised for he never had seen Ryuichi like this. Well, he usually acted like a three year old and now he was so gentle trying to comfort him. That was a major difference and this Ryuichi reminded him a bit on the man he used to be on stage. Shuichi couldn't help but feeling a little bit flustered as Ryuichi stroked lightly over his cheek. 

"Whom are you missing?" 

Curious as Shuichi was he couldn't hold back that question. Sakuma-san was always so happy he couldn't imagine that he was actually experiencing the same feelings like himself. 

"Well, you remember as I came back to Japan I didn't know many people. Just the people from NG and you guys." 

Shuichi figured he was referring to Bad Luck that meant Hiro, Suguru and himself. 

"I was very lucky to get to know you 'cause it made my life a little bit more bearable." 

Shuichi was confused. 

"But you have so many people who love you. All your fans adore you. You are not alone." 

Ryuichi glanced at the pink haired boy. Shuichi seemed to have forgotten about his sorrow. At least for now but that was good enough. Shaking his head he tried to explain. 

"You see when you are famous it becomes very hard to tell who are the ones who really care for you and the ones who only see the famous rock star in you. 

There are always people who just want to catch a bit of your own glamour. They only see Ryuichi Sakuma as a living idol not the real me." 

Shuichi was quiet. Ryuichi looked so sad. He had never considered that Ryuichi could be unhappy with his life. Of course he knew it was tough to be a star but he never thought of it as a bother although it had to be different for Ryuichi who became a star just as he graduated from High School. Ryuichi never had the time to make any real friends because everybody just wanted to be him like on stage. 

_Nobody wanted to see the funny childlike boy who hid in the man's body._

After a few moments of dwelling on memories Ryuichi picked up his tale. 

"Well, back then I met somebody who seemed to be different from all the others. We had so much fun together and I could be myself." 

Ryuichi smiled at the memory. 

"What happened then?" 

Shuichi inquired quietly. He had the feeling there was no happy ending. Ryuichi's smile dropped as he lowered his head. His bangs covered his eyes as he whispered. 

"The one left me. Without a word. Without a good-bye. 

I still don't know why. And I still can't understand it. I really believed in that person. And it crushed all my hope and trust in the end." 

Both were quiet for a while. Ryuichi seemed to be lost in thought and Shuichi was stunned by what he had just learned from the older man. 

How could somebody hurt this sweet person so much? 

Shuichi was sad and angry at the same time. Nobody had the right to play with someone's heart. That reminded him how Yuki had treated him so often. And once more everything in their relationship seemed like a game. A game he had lost and given up upon. He transferred his attention back to the brown haired man beside him. They were both sitting now on Shuichi's bed leaning against the wall. Distinctly the traffic noise could be heard. 

"Do you understand now why I can't leave you all by yourself?" 

Ryuichi looked directly into Shuichi's eyes and the pink haired singer understood now why Ryuichi had invited him to be his room mate. Ryuichi Sakuma was his friend and he didn't want that Shuichi had to go through the same pain he had to back then. He wouldn't let Shuichi drown in self pity and sorrow. Not if he could help it. Shuichi nodded and smiled at him. 

"Thank you." 

It was the first real happy smile he received from Shuichi in days. A grin was plastered in return on Ryuichi's lips. It looked like the child in him was back. 

"Why don't we have a slumber party then, no na da?" 

He asked excited his pink haired friend. 

"With pop corn and movies and games,...." 

Ryuichi was in his element and he hadn't wait too long until Shuichi jumped up and both ran into the kitchen preparing the popcorn. 

"Yay, we're gonna have so much fun, Shu-chan!" 

He giggled and winked at Shuichi. 

"And you know what?" 

He smiles secretively. 

" 'Cause you know now my biggest secret you can call me Ryu-chan, will ya, no na da?! And I call ya Shu-chan, yes pleeease?!" 

He looked pleadingly with big green-blue puppy dog eyes at Shuichi who happily agreed with the idea. 

"Yeah, Ryu-chan." 

Shuichi grinned back at his friend. They seemed to be closer now than before. Ryuichi filled him in on a very painful memory and he knew he could trust Ryuichi. Shuichi promised himself that he would make sure that Ryuichi wouldn't get hurt again. They would take care of each other. 

By now the popcorn was done and they both ran laughing into the living room. 

"Hey, let's watch one of your concert tapes. Then we can sing together again." 

Shuichi jumped with excitement. He loved to sing together with Sakuma-san. It was so much fun. Both spent the rest of the night singing and dancing. Shuichi hadn't felt so happy in a long time. 

The air was cold as Shuichi skipped happily along on the sidewalk on his way to the studio. There were only a couple of days left before the concert started. He was already excited about it. Ryuichi had also told him how he made it through the hard time back then. He still heard the words ring in his mind. 

"Music kept me going. I loved to sing and it helped me a lot. That's why I was so happy that we had revived Nittle Grasper." 

Ryuichi had encouraged him to concentrate on his music. They had been writing lyrics together and Ryuichi explained to him that it's best if he would write over things he had experienced himself. That way it would sound real and it's good to write things down you can't or won't talk about. It wasn't like he couldn't talk to Ryuichi but he felt that he first had to figure out his own feelings and wishes. And he knew Ryuichi and Hiro as well would be there for him when he wanted to talk. 

Shuichi felt a lot better since Ryuichi always managed to point out the good things in life. Although he was still curious who the person was Ryuichi had been talking about. He surely had a lot of admirers but Shuichi didn't want to push the issue if Ryuichi wanted he'd tell him all by himself. 

The NG building came into view and he only had to cross the street so he skidded to a halt at the crosswalk waiting for the green light. He was really looking forward to meet up with Ryuichi. They had been working on songs together and wanted to fill in Suguru and Hiro. Shuichi thought Hiro would be really happy to hear that he finally decided to concentrate on music. That was what he was good at and this way he was at least able to make others happy if not the one he had given up for good. 

****** 

Yuki had spend most of the morning in Tohma's office. It was almost lunch time and by now he was very grumpy. The blond tried to coax him into attending that stupid Christmas party NG was having every year. He hated events like that. There would be tons of loud annoying people trying to charm him until his head was spinning and he had the feeling he might puke any second. 

During the last years he had somehow managed to avoid such public events by being out of the city or like last year being fully consumed by his idiotic lover's crazy ideas. 

Oh well, he forgot, his ex-lover's crazy ideas. 

Yuki felt sick. He really wasn't in the mood to attend a party not with the media already waiting for him and annoy him with endless questions about his latest book that still wasn't finished. 

He tried to focus on the words of the blonde who had been pacing his office for it seemed like hours now. 

"Yuki, you know I only want what's best for you. Maybe I did upset you in the past concerning my interfering in your relationship with Shuichi. I know I shouldn't have done this. But to me it simply looked like as if it would never work out. 

I only wanted to keep you from going through hell again and I care about Shuichi, too. He's so carefree and a happy person. I just didn't want to see him suffering anymore." 

At this Yuki looked up seething with anger. 

"So you think I'm a bastard as well? You call yourself my friend if you're telling me straight in my face that I can't take care of Shuichi?" 

Tohma flinched at those words but he knew what he had to answer if he wanted get Yuki out of his self pity. 

_"Yes." _

__

He answered looking straight into the novelist now widened eyes. Yuki looked up unbelieving from where he was sitting. His mind couldn't grasp that his so called best friend had just told him off. He couldn't believe this. 

Tohma was the one who always stick up to him, being his support, always being on his side. His mouth opened but not a single word came over his lips. Silently Tohma let himself fall into his leather chair sitting now across from Yuki who was still staring at him. Tohma sighed. He knew what was coming next was going to be difficult but once it was said everything was up to Yuki. As Tohma began to speak his eyes never left Yuki's face. 

"Since that day in NYC I've always been on your side, helping you, protecting you, giving you whatever you wanted. Not even once you were grateful or acknowledged what the people who cared about you did for you. 

We all know what you've been through and we cannot change the past. But we won't put up with your arrogant and self-destructive attitude anymore. I know it seems harsh but it's been almost over 10 years and you still can't or rather won't let it go. You know what I think?" 

Came the now icy question directed at Yuki. 

"I think you only care about yourself and you only crave the attention of others to assure yourself that you are still alive. Not once you're considering that you're actually hurting others with your careless attitude. 

Your fans, your family, Shuichi and me... ." 

Tohma shook now violently. Yuki was obviously shocked. But Tohma wasn't done yet. 

"You're stuck in your self pity and you're not only making yourself miserable but others as well. 

Do you have any idea how often Mika cries after she had been speaking to you on the phone or how often Shuichi showed up here in an emotional mess. Locking himself alone in a room and not talking to anybody? Or how much your parents worry about you?" 

Tohma was breathless as he stopped ranting. Sadly he looked at Yuki hoping he would understand. Yuki let his head hung low. He couldn't look into Tohma's eyes. Yuki felt horrible. All the things Tohma said were right. He had known this already but it was another thing if somebody you thought of your best friend threw them into your face. 

Now it didn't matter how he would turn and twist it he had to face it now. No point in hiding anymore. Tohma demanded an answer. A truthful one. Slowly he began to speak. 

"Ever since Shuichi came into my life everything changed with rapid speed and I couldn't do anything against it. He just burst in and turned everything upside down. He messed with my feelings and often I would find myself doing things I shouldn't have done. 

_I don't like it not to be in control._

It reminds me on Yuki-sama. His betrayal. How he took control of my life and then sold it for ten lousy bucks. Back then I swore myself to never loose control again." 

Yuki's face twisted in pain. It was hard on him to share his inner thoughts and feelings with someone but if he wouldn't do it he would be alone for the rest of his life. Maybe Tohma would still help him in one way or another but not because he wanted to or because he was his friend but just because of family obligations. 

Nothing more. 

And that was something he couldn't handle. Yuki was too used that somebody was always fussing over him. Maybe it annoyed him to no end but it gave him the feeling that he was not alone. And he needed that. 

"I'm sorry Tohma." Came a quiet whisper. 

"What...?!" 

Tohma was speechless. Right now he had the feeling that in front of him wasn't Yuki Eiri but Uesugi Eiri the little boy he once knew. Something tugged at his heart and his expression softened. 

"It's okay. I'm also sorry for saying such hard words but I do care about you as a lot of other people do. Please don't cast us out anymore." 

Yuki raised his head a slight smile playing on his lips. The first one Tohma had seen in a long time. Yuki felt relieved as he heard Tohma's words. It's been awhile since he felt that content. 

He only used to get that feeling when he was laying together with Shuichi in bed - in his arms. It was nice and it felt like somebody had lifted some unseen weight off his shoulders. 

Tohma was smiling at him. He looked quite relieved as well. Admitting to himself that he was stuck in his past was the first step towards healing. And he was grateful that Tohma had shaken him out of his reverie. 

"I think I will attend." 

Tohma looked up. He had been lost in his thoughts and couldn't quite place what Yuki was talking about. 

"Excuse me?!" 

Yuki grinned. You seldom have the opportunity to see the head of NG confused. 

"The Christmas party." 

"Oh, yes, of course. I thought you weren't even listening." 

A slow smile spread over Tohma Seguchi's face. 

"I'm sure it would be good for you. And by attending you're showing everybody that everything is all right." 

Yuki smiled inwardly. Of course Tohma was taking up the opportunity to get rid of the media who had been making up wild stories about Yuki for a while now. The gossip increased each day and it also involved Shuichi and that certainly wasn't a good thing. That thought made Yuki frown. He didn't want anybody talking bad about the pink haired singer. But it was his own fault and he was going to make it up. 

Tohma snapped him out of his thoughts as he filled him in on the details. 

"The Christmas party will be tomorrow evening. It'll start at 7 p.m. with dinner. Make sure you're dressed formally. A lot of important persons will be attending as well as NG members." 

At this point Yuki's head snapped up. 

"So Shuichi will be there as well?" 

He hadn't thought about that yet and it made his heart flutter. So he missed completely the thoughtful frown that crossed Tohma's face. 

"Well, of course Bad Luck will be present as well." 

Yuki stood up. 

"Good. I think that will be a good opportunity to talk to Shuichi." 

With that he thanked Tohma and waved his good-byes leaving the office. The blonde stood for a while nonmoving staring at the closed door before he picked up his phone. He waited for the connection until a light woman's voice could be heard. 

"Hello Mika, he just left. Everything went well. He will attend the Christmas party so you can stop worrying now." 

He smiled at the reply of his wife. 

"But there is still a problem. We'll talk about this when I get home. See you for dinner. Bye." 

He put the phone down and turned to look out the window. 

It was snowing again. 

****************************************************** 

That's sooo typical. I want to write about something specific and in the end when I'm finally reaching the right point I have to finish the chapter. Argh, now I have to wait until the next one. 

* 

Sorry, it took me a while to post this chapter but I felt a bit uncomfortable writing Ryuichi cause I think he's a difficult character. So I read some of those Tatsuha x Ryuichi stories out there to get a feeling for his personality. I hope it didn't go wrong all the way. Maybe I shouldn't have included him. 

* 

Anyway as you see I gave the fic a title. How do ya like it? 

I thought it's fitting 'cause both Yuki & Shuichi play kind of "Hide & Seek" with each other or with their emotions. 

Let me know what you think about Tohma's actions. 

See ya!! ^_^ Thanks for reviewing!!! 


	6. Unexpected confrontation

Chapter 6: Unexpected confrontation 

The streets were bustling with life. At the traffic light across the street from NG headquarters Shuichi Shindou was jumping from one foot to the other waiting for the light to switch. After a couple of seconds it changed and he skipped happily across the street. The familiar face of the security guy in front of the main entrance came into view and he waved his hand enthusiastically to greet him as always. 

But Shuichis hand stopped in midway as he saw _him_. 

The one who now made his heart flutter and his knees go weak. And there he thought he could handle a situation with him. Looks like he assumed too much because here he stood like a fool mouth gaping open starring at the one person he cared about most in the world no matter how often his brain screamed at him: 'It's over.' 

It looked like Yuki Eiri was lost in thought because the novelist stood in the entrance of NG headquarters nonmoving looking thoughtful. 

'Lucky me. He didn't spot me yet. It would have given him all the wrong impression. Okay, breathe Shuichi. You can handle this. Just walk up to him and greet him casually.' 

Shuichi had been so absorbed in Yuki's sudden appearance he totally forgot that he was still standing on the cross walk. The light switched and the cars started to honk at him to move out of the way. 

****** 

Yuki snapped out of his thoughts as several cars started to honk madly in front of him. Someone seemed to hold up the traffic. Gazing towards the cross walk his eyes met with someone he hadn't expected to see this soon. His heart stopped beating for a split second as his eyes took in the beautiful youth a few meters away from him. The sun rays were reflecting on Shuichi's pink hair giving it an unnatural glow. His eyes were sparkling blue and happiness seemed to radiate from him. 

'He's looking at me. Is he happy to see me? Maybe I can fix this situation sooner than I thought and everything can go back to like it used to be.' 

Yuki fully convinced that he could get back Shuichi easily waited for the pink haired singer to walk up to him first. 

****** 

Shuichi finally snapped out of his day dreaming and after bowing completely embarrassed to the car drivers he approached Yuki eying him nervously. The knowing look in Yuki's eyes made him uncomfortable and it didn't make it any easier to go through with his plan of acting casual around Yuki. 

'Why is he looking so sure of himself? Well, of course he always looks like that but doesn't he feel at least a tiny bit sorry for what he said?' 

Disappointment crept up in Shuichi's heart nagging at his hope which seemed to crumble more with each passing second. Of course it had been clear to him that obviously Yuki Eiri didn't care as much about him as Shuichi had interpreted into his actions over the last year. He finally admitted that to himself on that fateful day some time ago but it was a different matter to get your heart to understand that as well. And now it looked like a tough battle was coming up. 

Shuichi swore to himself that he wouldn't make a fool out of himself yet again. He had promised Ryuichi to be strong and if he would make it through this without breaking down in front of Yuki Eiri then he had taken the first step into a new life - another step away from Yuki. 

He let a smile slip on his face as he greeted his former lover. 

****** 

Hey Yuki, how are you doing? Funny meeting you here. I've been just on my way to meet up with the guys. You know for some rehearsal checks for our Christmas concert. Oh, probably you don't know about that one yet, or do you?! Maybe Tohma already told you...." 

Shuichi continued to ramble on about things. Yuki felt as if time had stopped. Here his lover stood in front of him chatting happily about nonsense like it used to be before. He felt a smile tugging at his lips and a warmth settled in his chest. 

He was close to him. 

How long had he yearned for that. It was as if nothing happened, Yuki thought to himself. 

But why isn't he looking into my eyes then? He's looking anywhere but at me.' 

He frowned as he observed Shuichi more carefully and suddenly he felt as if miles were between them and not a few feet. 

Shuichi was uncomfortable. 

Maybe he put on a really good show but he couldn't fool him - Yuki Eiri - he knew Shuichi better than he let on. It was like a shock. Shuichi always loved to be near him. Usually he couldn't stand to be a day without him. Now they had been parted for almost two weeks and suddenly everything was different. 

Shuichi had stopped babbling now and he looked nervously at the ground. Yuki cocked his head to the side lifting Shuichis chin up so he could look into Shuichi's startling blue eyes. Usually they would tell him everything he needed to know but today they were clouded. So many emotions had been dancing in them a not so long time ago. 

Yuki, eh, are you okay?!" 

Shuichi jerked his head away taking a step back. 

Yuki's heart froze. 

He couldn't hold on to him. 

Shuichi was slipping right between his fingers. 

What should he do? 

Of course I am. Why shouldn't I?" came the sarcastic reply. Yuki didn't want to let Shuichi know how much his retreat was bothering him but he couldn't bite back the sarcasm. 

Shuichi felt guilty although it was Yuki who owed him an apology. Shuichi looked into Yuki's eyes. Cold and golden like the winter sun but still some warmth and longing was hidden in them. Shuichi wanted to say something, to make Yuki feel better, to do something for him, to calm his own heart. He couldn't stand seeing Yuki trying to act all tough on him. Yuki, I...I'm....-" 

"No, I don't want you to say something. You would only end up saying sorry. Saying sorry for something you had no fault in. You were just being you. And that's nothing wrong. So don't even think about it." 

Yuki paused looking off into the distance trying to gather his thoughts. He wanted to tell Shuichi so much to make up for his mistake. He wanted to apologize. 

Shuichi was quiet too baffled by what Yuki had said. He couldn't remember when Yuki had been so open with him. Still it wasn't enough to heal the pain still lingering in Shuichi's heart. 

But obviously Yuki wasn't done yet. He looked as he was trying desperately to find the right words. The pink haired singer sighed. Shuichi wasn't so sure if he wanted to hear it, he didn't trust himself. It had always been hard on him to resist Yuki and not to throw himself into his arms. His heart yearned for Yuki's voice wishing to hear some kind words from the man he still loved. But if he would give in their relationship would just go back to the way it was before. Nothing would change and he still wouldn't know where he stood with Yuki. 

Still it was tempting. Shuichi wanted to make up with Yuki, so his restless aching heart would get some peace at night. A relationship was out of the question but since he had talked to Ryuichi most of the sorrow had slowly drifted away leaving a sad bitter feeling in his chest. 

Shuichi had wished for a chance to see Yuki again - secretly. Now he had his chance and still he felt helpless. So he simply remained silent waiting patiently for Yuki to start. 

The novelist eyes seemed to be far away. 

Shuichi was startled as Yuki suddenly started to speak. 

"You didn't came back that day. You left me behind. And I guess I deserved it." 

He paused, a bitter smile crossing his features. His gaze came to rest on Shuichi's face lost in those pools of endless blue. This time Shuichi didn't look away. 

"I denied it all the time. I told myself that you'll come back. Like you always did. And the days went by but you never came. One day I realized that if I wouldn't do anything for a change I might regret it." 

He hesitated for a second. Putting on a cool face he shoved a last remark behind. 

"Well, in case you want to know I'm not mad at you so you can come back with me if you want." 

'Gods how pathetic was that.' Yuki cursed himself for not being able to express himself more Yuki-like. 

Still he looked into Shuichi's eyes searching for forgiveness and reassurance that Shuichi understood him. But he could only see confusion and doubt. 

Shuichi doubted him. 

'So far did it come now. Just what more do you want me to say you stubborn brat.' 

Yuki was getting frustrated. He wasn't used to explain himself that explicit to Shuichi. Normally the pink haired singer picked up the hints and everything was okay. 

'He should be happy that I'd take him back. That's what he wants right?! So why isn't he in my arms by now? Why is he looking at me like that again? 

Gods, I hate that look.' 

Yuki was at a loss. He never had thought about what would happen if Shuichi didn't want to come back to him. He had said so many words. Words only meant for Shuichi to show him how he had felt without him. Wasn't that enough? Didn't Shuichi understand how much it took him to say something like that to him? Especially to him. Maybe they weren't as close as he thought they were. Yuki shook his head in confusion. 

Silence lay between them. 

'Maybe I shouldn't have said anything and just walk past him.' 

But Yuki knew that he couldn't have done it. There was something magical that draw him close to the pink haired boy. Shuichi drove him mad. 

Yuki couldn't stand to be close to him but he couldn't live without him neither. 

The silence began to unnerve him. This was getting weirder and weirder. Now he was the one wishing for that idiots babbling. 

'Say something. Please say something. Anything.' 

Shuichi was still staring at him. He couldn't believe what he'd just heard. Yuki actually managed to let him see a bit of his feelings. But how should he react now? Shuichi was close to a panic. That was what he had been waiting for all the time for Yuki to open up by himself without his prodding and curiosity. 

'Maybe...maybe we can patch things up...and everything can be like it was. I miss you Yuki, I miss you so much, but...but...' 

Shuichi clenched his fists and squeezed his eyes shut. Yuki could see the different emotions flash over Shuichi's face. But most of them were gone in less than a second only one remained in the end. 

Doubt. 

The doubting look was still on Shuichi's face. 

And Yuki could feel himself crumble inside. The pain was eating away at him as he tried to keep up his mask. 

'How can this happen to me again? Why, god damnit, why?' 

Thoughts like that raced through his mind as he could feel a light touch on his sleeve. His hard gaze settled on Shuichi who clutched his jacket sleeve. 

"What? What do you want now brat? I think I said enough. If you want to give me an answer do it now or let me go. I think I'm wasting my time here." 

Almost instantly hurt flashed over Shuichi's face and he let Yuki's sleeve goo. 

'No, no, put your hand back put it back, I didn't meant it. Please.' 

Yuki sighted. Everything went wrong here. He should just leave now before matters got worse and he couldn't control his feelings anymore. He would either kiss that stupid brat or yell at him for messing his life up. 

"Yuki, please listen to me." 

Shuichi could see that Yuki wanted to get away from him but he wanted to settle this first. 

"Yuki, look at me. I have to tell you something, too." 

Slowly Yuki turned back to Shuichi. 

"I can't forgive you for what you said because I don't really think there is something to forgive on your behalf. I rather think it helped me to realize something. Maybe I needed this push so I would finally grow up and stop chasing a dream which will never come true. 

I think you have been right from the beginning. I tried to push things and I tried to make things work out although now I see that we never had a real chance anyway. It was rather my hyperactive imagination." 

Yuki was stunned. First the brat told him there's nothing to forgive where he thought all the time how to apologize and second he's quitting on their relationship because everything was an illusion??!! What was going on here? Yuki got the feeling he was in the wrong movie. All he could do was look unbelieving at Shuichi who squirmed under Yuki's troubled gaze. He ran his hand through his pink hair and sighed. 

"I know I start babbling again but I think we should just leave everything as it is now. At the moment I feel comfortable with how things are running. And you know our tour is coming up and the Christmas concert. So I'm quite busy and I think I need sometime for myself to figure out what I want." 

Shuichi took a deep breath glancing up at Yuki to see how he had taken it. 

'Geez, that sounded like an excuse.' 

Well, maybe it was but he had no idea what else to say and he really felt content sharing an apartment with Ryuichi and he had to take care of a lot of things. But still - he felt bad for saying it to Yuki. 

Yuki was in for a good yelling now. This whole meeting didn't went at all how he had imagined it would. What did Shuichi expect him to say now? Well, he offered enough if the brat wouldn't take it he didn't care anymore. Yuki was very upset and glared at his former lover. 

"Well, that's fine with me. Tohma just mentioned that you have been out of it lately and it wouldn't be good for Bad Lucks future. He just asked me if I could talk to you and that's done now. So if you would excuse me now I can't stay here all day listening to your ranting." He spat out coldly and turned to walk off. 

Shuichi was shocked. He couldn't just let him walk away. He knew Yuki was hurting. 

"Yuki wait. I didn't mean to be rude." 

Shuichi ran to keep up with the blonde and started to walk beside him. 

"I just need some time alone now. To think everything over, okay?!" Shuichi gave Yuki a small smile. But the blonde kept his eyes straight ahead. 

Both walked in silence for awhile. 

"Are you coming tomorrow?" Shuichi cast a glance at the tall man beside him hoping for an answer. Yukis face was expressionless like usual. 

"I don't know. Tohma said I should." 

He paused here and skidded to a halt fixing his gaze on Shuichi. 

"Look. I know I messed up - once again and probably one time too often. And concerning the stuff you said earlier. You were wrong in the first issue and in second as well. - I'm sorry Shuichi, I'm really sorry but I can't turn back time. I wish I could but I cannot." 

'Here. That was much better.' Yuki was proud of himself. He won over his anger and told Shuichi what he thought. Well not too directly but it was okay and he felt much better now. He looked at Shuichi who was smiling now with sparkling blue eyes. Warmth settled in his chest again and for now the world seemed right again. 

Shuichi was happy. Maybe it wasn't like it used to be between them but for now it was good enough. 

"Hey Yuki, so are you coming tomorrow? I am. And Hiro and Suguru and K and Ryuichi..." 

Shuichi was busy listing all the people he knew would attend as something pinkish in Yukis pocket caught his attention. 

"What's that in your pocket?" 

Before Yuki could react Shuichi had grabbed the little something and hold now a very fluffy, soap smelling Kumagoro in his hands. 

"Whoa, Kumagoro what happened to you? Your fur feels kinda creamy. But you smell pretty good." 

Shuichi smiled at his bunny he had been missing since he had left Yuki. Questioningly he eyed Yuki who nervously shifted his weight on his other leg. 

"Well, you know after I found him he was kind of dirty, so I gave him a bath....-" 

Before he could continue something bounced between them grasping the pink bunny and jumped Shuichi. 

"Hija, Shu-chan, did you miss me, no na da? Kumagoro missed you and look-" 

He hold up Shuichi's Kumagoro in his face. 

"- who I found. Kumagoro's brother. Now we're all together again. Although his fur is kinda funny." 

Ryuichi poked his little friend. 

"But he smells good. What happened to him?" 

Shuichi grinned as Ryuichi talked to the two Kumagoro's. Yuki just raised an eyebrow. To him Nittle Grasper's singer was as annoying as Shuichi could be. He had always wondered how Tohma had survived him on their tours. 

"Well, you see Ryu-chan, Yuki gave him a bath." 

At this Ryuichi eyes got all round and big. 

"Whhhaaat? Yuki took a bath with Kumagoro???!!!" 

Before Shuichi could even blink and Yuki get irritated by their buddy talking they had a hyper Ryuichi bouncing around them. Together with the two pink bunnies he sang loudly. 

"Yuki took a bath with Kumagoro. Yuki took a bath with Kumagoro, no na da. " 

They began to draw quite a crowd being popular as they were anyway. Yuki felt the heat rush into his cheeks. He really hated it to be embarrassed in front of anybody. So he quickly dragged both of them back to NG headquarters and after a couple of threatening glares Ryuichi finally shut up. Yuki dropped them off in the lobby and without any good bye he turned and stomped out of the building. 

Shuichi stood nonmoving for awhile until Ryuichi poked him in his side. 

"What is it, Shu-chan? You okay, no na da?!" 

Worried he looked at his friend. 

"I said his name." Shuichi seemed a bit confused. Ryuichi smiled knowing full well about who he was talking. 

"And?" 

Shuichi looked up at him, smiling. 

"It felt good. I missed saying his name. And it doesn't hurt so much anymore." 

Ryuichi nodded understandingly. 

"Come on, Shu-chan. Let's go, no na da. The others are waiting." 

With that he turned around and started bouncing down the hall quickly being followed by Shuichi. 

****** 

The room was dark lit only by the stars and the moon. Shuichi sat on his bed feeling lonely once again. He always felt lonely at night. The pink haired singer sighed. Actually he should be happy. Things went well with Yuki at least before Ryuichi came along. But he knew his friend didn't make Yuki mad on purpose. It was just his cheerful self. 

Shuichi rolled over on his tummy looking out of his window. Tomorrow was the Christmas party. Five days left until Bad Lucks concert. He hoped Yuki would come to the party. 

Suddenly he remembered something. 

"Argh, I'm just so stupid." 

He smacked himself on the head. 

"Now I forgot to get Yuki to answer if he's attending tomorrow or not." 

He groaned and dropped his head on his pillow. 

****** 

In his apartment Yuki Eiri was sitting in front of his laptop smoking a cigarette. He hadn't been writing since Shuichi left him but as soon as he entered the apartment today the words just appeared out of nowhere so he wrote them down. He had never written something like that before. It was very simple but it expressed what he felt and hoped. Yuki read it once again. 

_you and me_

_why can't you see_

_that only love it is_

_what I for you feel._

__

_just look at me_

_why can't you see_

_deep in my heart_

_my love is real._

__

_now I'm sitting here_

_being victim to my fear_

_the end is near, please come_

_and kiss away my lonely tear._

__

_I'm lost without you at my side_

_so let's stop to hide_

_what we're feeling inside._

_you know I love you, too_

_please come back, so together_

_we'll make our dreams come true._

__

The cursor blinked at the end of the page. 

Restlessly. 

Like Yuki Eiri's mind where images of a pink haired boy with sparkling blue eyes laughed at him. 

************************************************ 

Sorry everyone that I needed so long to post this chapter. I had to finish my application for aupair in France and I also had trouble at school & with my apartment. 

Thanks everybody for reviewing. I never thought so many people are reading my story. I love you all. You inspire me & keep me going. 

Finally I can start writing the Christmas party. I really look forward to that chapter. Probably I even have to split it up. I don't know yet. This time I wanted to present the inner conflict of Yuki & Shuichi. I hope I got that right. 

By the way a question to all native English speaker: do you guys know the expression "being in the wrong movie"? I took it from my mother language German. I didn't know how to express it in English. It means "feeling out of place" or something like that. 


	7. The Christmas party, part I

Chapter 7: The Christmas party, part I: Preparations 

Twilight settled over the busy streets of Tokyo City. The late afternoon sky was heavy with gray snow clouds. It would probably start snowing soon. Shuichi turned away from the window and smiled to himself. Today was December 20th and everybody would gather in about three hours at NG for the Christmas party. It would be an understatement to say Shuichi was exited. Since his unexpected meeting with Yuki yesterday he bristled with activity and happiness. He hardly slept that night all he could do was think about Yuki. Shuichi hoped that Yuki would show up tonight. 

Of course he had questioned Tohma right after their encounter but the blonde only said that he indeed invited Yuki but he didn't know if the novelist would actually attend. That was of course very unsatisfying and left Shuichi very nervous. If it wouldn't be for Ryuichi who distracted him quite successfully he would have driven the NG staff and his band mates as well as K and Sakano insane. But now it was finally time to get ready. 

Well, actually Shuichi had been ready since lunch time and up until now he had been looking out of his bedroom window waiting for the clock to announce the fifth hour. 

Ryuichi had been taking a nap after lunch with Kumagoro of course and was probably getting ready right now. Shuichi hadn't told him of his and Yuki's encounter yesterday. He couldn't explain why but he felt slightly guilty for yearning to meet Yuki tonight. Shuichi had spilled his heart to Ryuichi before and his friend had reassured him that everything would be alright. But wasn't it himself who had said not so long ago that he would never see Yuki again or even say his name? Now mere three weeks later he was about to fall in this love trap again. He couldn't just go to Ryuichi and tell that he couldn't wait to see Yuki. And there was still the chance that Yuki just talked to him the day before because he had a bad conscience which was distracting him from writing his novels. What if Yuki would reject him again? Shuichi wasn't sure if he could endure it again. 

'God, what am I thinking? He made my life miserable for long enough. He doesn't deserve my attention. Why is he always on my mind?' 

Shuichi gritted his teeth and let himself fall backwards on his bed. 'But still it would be nice to be at least friends with Yuki.' Shuichi sighed. "I'm so hopeless." He said smashing his face into a pillow. 'But we'll see maybe today it would show where Yuki stands with me.' 

Shuichi sighed and made his way towards his friends room to see if he needed any help with his evening clothes. Sure they were both rock stars but tonight they decided to wear something more (or less) formal. 

"Hey Ryu-chan, do you need a hand?" 

Shuichi poked his head inside the room where he could see Ryuichi fumble with the bottoms of his dress shirt. 

"Nah, I'm almost done, no an da. Kumagoro was so nice to help me a bit." 

He flashed a grin at Shuichi and finally pulled a dark long coat on. 

"Do you think they let us in like that?" 

Ryuichi swirled around. 

"Aw common, we're their stars. Anyway do you have anything like a suit? I sure don't and I don't really wanna wear one." 

Shuichi playfully replied. In his opinion suits where something Yuki fit perfectly. He groaned catching him again with those kind of thoughts. 

"Something wrong, Shu-chan?" 

Ryuichi stood in front of him smiling knowingly, swinging around in front of the mirror. Shuichi rolled his eyes. 

"Nothing new. Come let's go. We have to hurry if we want to catch the tram." 

Both raced each other to the tram station, Kumagoro safely tugged in Ryuichi's pocket. 

****** 

The long bedroom mirror showed a mature woman dressed in an evening gown. At the moment she proceeded to put on her earrings. She seemed content and moved with fluid confident moves. Mika Seguchi was a well known woman being married to a living pop idol and related to Japan's most famous novelist. Attending high society parties to support her husband with his work and not used to work for her extravagant life style left her enough time to take care of her family. 

Despite what others especially her about three years younger brother thought she cared a lot about her family and was concerned about her parents and two younger brothers well being. She often traveled to Kyoto to check up on her parents and Tatsuha who sometimes came to visit Tohma and her. She enjoyed having him around since he was so very different from his older brother Eiri. Where Tatsuha was open, friendly, sympathetic and enjoying his young life Eiri seemed to already finished with his life living secluded in his apartment avoiding the public and simply shutting everybody out of his life. 

Mika often tried to get through to him but Eiri seemed to be more comfortable with her husband. If he decided to talk he mostly intrusted Tohma with his thoughts and as far as she knew most of them were centered around Japan's new shooting star Shuichi Shindou. Not that Tohma was actually filled in on Eiri's love life. She rolled her eyes. 

It still amazed her how Shuichi could have ever Eiri get to agree with letting him stay at his apartment. She thought of her brother as a difficult person but Mika could only guess how deep the connection between Eiri and Shuichi really were. Tohma had told her that they broke off and Eiri hadn't mentioned anything towards her. Well, that was no surprise. Yuki rarely talked to her. But concerning their relationship she never really believed that it would survive since Eiri sooner or later destroyed the happiness if he actually had found any. He couldn't help himself. 

It would be hard to solve this mess. Mika really regretted that she didn't prevent their relationship as she still had the chance - at the very beginning. But then it looked like Shuichi would be able to help Eiri out of his black hole. Now everything was lost and she was left to pick up the broken pieces like she always did. Maybe it was better to let Eiri and Shuichi go their own ways. It would be the best for their own good before they would drag each other down mentally. 

Mika was now fumbling with her necklace. The clasp wouldn't work so she went on search for her husband who was getting ready in the bathroom. 

"Tohma, could you please come over here for a second and put on my necklace for me?" 

She still tried to get the necklace in place as cool hands gently took the necklace out of her grasp. Mika looked up into the mirror seeing Tohma standing behind her. A slight smile played on his lips. 

"You look beautiful today, my love." 

Mika smiled back into the mirror. Those tender moments were rare in their busy life's but she didn't complain just enjoyed those sweet moments the more when they happened. Tohma encircled her from behind and Mika leant back into his embrace. For a few moments neither of them uttered a word. 

"I thought about Eiri." 

Mika looked up already guessing his next words. 

"He has to come with us when we leave for your parents house if he would stay here with Shindou-san matters will get worse. He's in a very unstable mood right now and he needs some time to think. Both Eiri and Shuichi are emotionally worn out. If something goes wrong in the next days it could be that Shuichi would suffer a nervous break down. As far as I know he's holding up pretty good now probably thanks to Ryuichi." Tohma sighed. 

Mika caressed his hands. "Do you think Eiri will really go with us on free terms? If I remember correctly you mentioned yesterday that he seems determined to get Shuichi back. That itself is a big accomplishment. He never saw anything worthy enough to be chased after." 

Mika frowned. Her brother indeed was acting strangely but since the pink haired singer was with him nothing was the same anymore anyway. 

"I have an idea." She spoke up convinced to do the right thing. "Let Eiri try his luck to make up with Shuichi. If tonight should end in a disaster for both we take him with us. Ryuichi can take care of Shuichi. What do you think?" 

Tohma squeezed his wife. He admired her for her wits. Tohma had found in her his match. 

"Why not? They deserve a chance. Although it took Eiri long enough to decide what he wants. He is lucky that he didn't loose Shindou-san to someone else already." 

"So he didn't give up on Shuichi?" Mika smiled. "Alright, it's settled then. Now we just have to make sure that everything runs smoothly and those two don't make a scene at the party. Too many important people are there. We can't make any mistakes but you do know that already." 

Mika turned around to face Tohma. She took both loose ends of his tie and bound it to a neat knot. 

"Well, looks like you're ready as well." 

She flashed him a radiant smile and went out to the living room to grab her purse and coat. Tohma took a last glance into the mirror. 

'I hope you use your chance Eiri because this one will be your last one.' 

Then he followed his wife to leave for the party. 

****** 

A single light illuminated the plain room. On the desk sat a half empty coffee cup beside an ash tray. Yuki Eiri's face glowed blue from the computer screen. Since hours he had been sitting in front of his laptop starring at the screen. He hadn't written a single word since his thoughts could only focus on one person. 

Since he had met Shuichi the day before he couldn't get him out of his head. He had tried different things to distract himself. First he went to work at his laptop as usual. It took him a couple of minutes of blank starring at the screen to remember that writer's block was still on and instead of a suitable ending he could only found himself thinking of a way to approach Shuichi at the party. 

Not having any considerable ideas he had tried to distract him with watching TV but he kind of only came across commercials for the Bad Luck Christmas concert. After several cans of beer and cigarettes he felt calmer but still bored. He had tried to sleep as well but since his sleep only brought him dreams of the pink haired baka it was out of the question as well. He only felt depressed afterwards. 

Now it was already getting dark outside and once again he sat at his desk. It was more out of habit you can say because he still wasn't writing. Yuki let his head drop onto his hands. His head felt like it would explode any second. That's what he got from all this beer and starring at the computer screen. He just hoped that he would meet Shuichi tonight he would make it all up to him. He stifled a yawn and his eyes began to droop. Finally sleep claimed the exhausted novelist. 

****** 

He really was good looking. Dark strands of hair fell into his face. An aura of glamour surrounded him. Glittering eyes looked approvingly into the full length mirror. He was wearing a dark suit and the dark shades matched it perfectly. That was all he needed to conquer his prey. The last time he led it go to easily. This time he'll keep it forever. 

"Well looks like I'm ready to go. I can't wait to see you again, my beautiful lover. It's just as I promised. I'll come and get you and you'll be mine forever." 

A sly grin crept up his face. A last look into the mirror and he was gone. 

************************************************ 

Goodie, first part of three is done. Sorry that it took me so long to post this but with Christmas coming up and me moving back to my parent's house over the vacations I had to get things done quickly. But I wasn't lazy I wrote all remaining chapters. It'll be 11 at the end plus an author's note. The rest of the chapters will be posted today latest tomorrow. I just have to edit them. Thanks to all who reviewed!!! Love ya for it. ^_^ 


	8. The Christmas party, part II

Chapter 8: The Christmas party, part II: Waiting 

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we are very happy to see that you all followed our invitation to attend our yearly Christmas party." 

Tohma stood on the small stage greeting his guests. He scanned the crowd and noted with satisfaction that all indeed had come. Although it wasn't really a big surprise since he had a lot of influence and contacts were easily made at this kind of gathering together. 

He went on to inform his guests that dinner would be served in the adjacent hall in about half in hour and till then they should use the time to drink a welcome drink and get acquainted with each other. Tohma could see Mika nodding in the direction to the entrance where just Bad Luck had entered with Sakano and K in tow. He finished his short speech with gallant words and nobody was surprised that he was a very good songwriter. 

"....Well then I hope you enjoy this evening." 

Applause was heard as he left the stage to greet his current top project. Mika joined him silently as they met up with Bad Luck. 

"Good evening everybody." He smiled slightly at everyone. He exchanged a look with Ryuichi who grinned in return. Nittle Grasper's singer could be very mature when he wanted to be and tonight it was his job to keep Shuichi out of trouble. Actually it was K's job but just as he predicted Shuichi would find trust in Ryuichi easily. And that was a plus on Shindou-san's safety. 

Ever since Yuki and Shuichi had broken up and the singer tried to convince them that the bruising he had afterwards were frost bites he knew something was wrong. It was a good idea to have Shuichi move in with Ryuichi. Still he felt not very good about not knowing what really happened back then. And all what he knew were the pieces he could put together from listening to Eiri and watching Shuichi who behaved way too sensible and careful since their break up. Usually Shuichi recovered quickly from an arguement with Yuki since he had a happy nature but Tohma still had a bad feeling. 

The others sensed that something wasn't exactly right with Shuichi as well but weren't quite sure how to approach Shuichi so they just let it be. Maybe Hiro was the only one to know Shuichi good enough that his unusual slips in his carefree attitude was only partly Yuki's fault but somehow even Shuichi's best friend couldn't pull up the nerve to confront the pink haired boy. 

Mika was now chatting with Suguru. K had scanned the area and you could see that he was feeling uncomfortable without his gun which he had to leave at the entrance. Sakano had pulled his guts together and was now talking to some agents from important commercial companies. Tohma smiled he knew that Sakano did a good job besides his frail nerves. Hiro was already being dragged by Ryuichi and Shuichi across the room to get some snacks. 

On the inside he was relieved that Hiro was getting along with Ryuichi just fine and not being jealous of him. It wouldn't be good for Bad Luck. But since he was more the mature type and being friends with Shuichi for so long he could easily put up with Ryuichi's behavior. 

Tohma could see Noriko and her husband enter the hall and he went to greet him. So far there was no sign of Yuki Eiri. He didn't know if it was a good or bad sign. 

****** 

Shuichi felt giddy with excitement. He couldn't hold still for a minute and happily dragged Hiro and Ryuichi from crowd to crowd chatting with the people. Tohma had told them it was important to leave a good impression on the guests and it seemed as if Shuichi won their hearts in a row. Well, it wasn't so easy to resist his sparkling blue eyes and his a bit childish behavior. Tohma would be proud of him and he knew it was important to have a lot of business acquaintances. Shuichi had high hopes of seeing Yuki tonight although he didn't know for sure if he would attend or not. But at the moment he was happy and content with being rewarded with so much attention. He loved that. Ryuichi stayed at his side until a gong was heard announcing that dinner was about to be served so everyone should go into the dining hall. 

Shuichi decided to wait for a bit. Maybe he could see then if Yuki was already here but after waiting for the hall to empty the novelist was nowhere to be seen. Disappointed he took a seat watching the last people disappear through the big doors. The others had already gone ahead not knowing that Shuichi didn't follow them. 

He let out a heavy sigh. It had been fun so far but he had been hoping he would get to see Yuki. He dropped his head into his hands. 

'Great Shuichi, now you're being miserable because you got your hopes up high again. Guess I'm not that strong after all.' 

Thinking back he had almost laugh about himself. His inability to break up with Yuki physically and psychically was a joke. 

'Even if I managed to break up with him and move out, I can't stop thinking about him and wishing to be near him. Why do I have to miss him so much? It's not fair that I have to suffer so much and he can shake me off so easily.' 

He paused in mid thought and slapped his forehead. 

'You idiot. That's why I broke up with him in the first place. His careless attitude towards me. God, I'm hopeless. If he should still show up today I just hope I'm not doing anything stupid. It would be already enough if we could settle for friends. I hate it if we have to avoid each other and last time I met him he wasn't so comfortable with this arrangement either.' 

Shuichi's thoughts rambled on in his head and so he was too distracted to notice that Ryuichi had come back to look for him. Now he stood a couple of meters away watching Shuichi. His face was contorted as if in pain. Ryuichi could feel what his friend was going through. Self-accusation, doubts, worry, hope flashed on Shuichi's face. All feelings he was familiar with himself. 

Tohma had asked him to take care of Shuichi since he was going through tough times. He expected him probably to distract him with his cheerful attitude not knowing that he could relate to Shuichi's situation and comfort him. Tohma knew him well that's for sure but every person has secrets and his were securely hidden behind childish happiness. He felt safer this way. The child in him kept him seeing the good things in life. It was his way to deal with the fact that most people only wanted to see the sexy rock star. He still hoped that someday someone would like this side of him first and not the other way round. It tended to end badly. 

Ryuichi took a couple of steps forward making himself known to Shuichi. The pink haired young man who rather looked like a lost small boy right now tried to smile at him. Ryuichi shook his head. 

"You don't have to pretend with me." 

He said softly taking the empty seat beside him. 

"I thought I made that clear to you." 

Ryuichi sounded a bit hurt and Shuichi didn't want to make his friend sad as well. 

"I'm sorry. Guess I'm just used to it so everybody stops worrying about me. Sometimes they make me feel as if I'm a small boy not being able to handle my own life." 

'Ouch. That sounded bitter. Way to go, Ryuichi. You're supposed to cheer him up not to make it worse.' 

"Nah, Shu-san, take it easy no na da. No need to be sorry." 

He grinned assuringly at Shuichi. 

"And the other guys are your friends. That's why they're so concerned. Even if you're showing them that your happy they still feel that something isn't perfectly right. I mean take Hiro. He's your friend since when? Since school? You didn't really think you could fool him then, ne?" 

Shuichi thought about it then and shook his head. 

"No, he knows me too good. It's just that I always rely on him and he always has to fix the mess I make. I don't really feel as if I have been a good friend to him." 

Ryuichi shook his head. 

"And so you just shut him out? And the others at well? Just because of a bad conscience you give up on your friendship? Believe me that's just making you feel worse." 

Shuichi thought about that. 

"I don't want to give up anything. I just simply can't deal with them right now, you know explaining what's going on." 

Ryuichi nodded. 

"'kay. Let's leave it at that." 

Both sat in silence for awhile hanging after their own thoughts. 

"You're waiting for him, ne?!" Ryuichi stated. 

A blush crept up Shuichi's cheeks. He only nodded. 

"Don't worry if he figures what you mean to him he'll come." 

He assured his friend. 

"You think so?" Came the doubting reply. 

"Yeah, he's not stupid you know." 

Ryuichi flashed Shuichi an encouraging smile. 

"Common let's grab some food, no an da." 

He pulled Shuichi up and pushed him towards the dining hall. Before he followed him he threw a last glance at the door Shuichi had starring for so long. 

'I just hope he'll figures it out in time'. 

****** 

Dinner went by uneventful. Shuichi had regained his composure and was now chatting with the others at the table. He had fun with his friends and if it was just for a moment he could forget about Yuki. 

Ryuichi was satisfied although he felt restless. It was already past 8.30pm. Yuki should have been here by now. Tohma had told him that Yuki would attend but he shouldn't tell Shuichi in case Yuki changed his mind. Ryuichi groaned inwardly. This guy was really unpredictable. Sometimes he had the urge to just kick his ass so he would finally realize what he did to so many people with his selfish behavior. 

The first people started getting up from the table moving on to the next hall where music would be played and later small gifts would be exchanged. Ryuichi watched Tohma who had organized the evening very well just like everything else. Ryuichi admired Tohma for this ability. He could make people do things without forcing them. This way he had ended up looking over Shuichi - not that he minded it one bit. He felt drawn to Shuichi since they had first met. His friends attitude was so very similar to his own and only in his presence he felt content with being and acting like himself. Neither being constantly the child nor the famous singer thousands out there craved. 

Just himself. 

He really hoped that this evening would end uneventful but he had the weird feeling that trouble was just about to get started as he could make out a silent figure at the entrance. 

****** 

He was late. Very late. Damn his unpredictable body. He had fallen asleep in front of his laptop and as he finally woke up it was dark outside and almost 8pm. Since he was in such a hurry he couldn't even think about what he was going to do when he finally arrived at the party. Now Yuki Eiri stood in the door feeling suddenly insecure exposed to the public. 

'God damn, get a grip on yourself, Eiri.' 

He mentally kicked himself into action. Yuki strode over where he had spotted Tohma who was guiding his guests into another hall where music was playing. As he walked over to him he couldn't help himself to look for a certain pink haired head. Tohma had noticed him and went to greet him. 

"Eiri, I'm glad you made it. Well, you missed dinner but if you like you can still have something. Come let's take a seat." 

Tohma ushered him over to a table not waiting for his response. He almost seemed too eager but Yuki let it slide. He just nodded and took a seat. After he had started to eat Tohma motioned with his head over to an older man sitting to their right side a few seats down the table. 

"Do you know who that man is?" 

Yuki looked up over to the gray haired man in a black smoking. He swallowed before answering. 

"Hm, I do think he looks familiar." 

He shrugged scanning the tables once more. 

"Is _he_ here?" He suddenly asked. 

"Who?" 

Tohma was a bit startled by the sudden switch of themes. Yuki raised his eyebrow. Tohma looked over to an table on the other side of the room where all kinds of groups and singers employed by NG where seated. 

Yuki followed his gaze and his eyes settled on Shuichi's face. He looked gorgeous tonight it struck him. In favor of this more formal gathering he had chosen deep blue pants, a matching jacket with a white shirt beneath. The material of the pants and mid thigh long jacket looked close to something like leather. Surely nobody could expect a rock star to appear with a suit even on a formal occasion he grinned inwardly. It suited him well and it accented his bright pink hair and the color matched his sparkling eyes. 

It seemed like he was having fun with his friends around him. Yuki felt a pang of jealousy seeing that his friends could make him happy so easily where he only made him cry. 

Tohma could see the expression on the face of his friend darken. Knowing what kind of thought probably occupied Yuki's mind he tried again to bring his attention back to the prior topic. He cleared his throat bringing Yuki out of his thoughts. 

"You should keep his name in mind. Ryan Springer. He owns the biggest publishing agency in the States. I invited him because he was interested in you. Actually your manager called me up because of it. She said you were too busy..." 

Yuki rolled his eyes. His manager couldn't reach him because he had switched of his cell phone and he never bothered to pick up his phone in his apartment anyway. Well, the woman was clever. But not more than him, he promised himself. Well, he could still listen what Tohma had to say about this man. 

"Go on." 

He nodded to Tohma who had watched him intently. 

"I already talked to him and if you are willing I will introduce you to him. He knows that you are very successful and he's interested in publishing your books in the States. As far as I know now would be the perfect opportunity to have a private talk with him since most of the guests are already in the music hall." 

"Sounds not bad." 

Yuki didn't really care about gaining more money and fame but his writer's block was unnerving him so it wouldn't be too bad to have a wider market explored for his books. Tohma took his answer as approval and motioned to follow him. They went over to where Mr. Springer was seated and after a short introduction Tohma left excusing himself to be looking for his wife. 

Now it was up to Yuki. After several seconds of silence the older man began to talk. 

"Well, you seem most definitely meet the content of all the articles about you." 

Yuki felt a blush creeping up his cheeks. Did he just heard right? 

"Excuse me?" 

He turned to look at Ryan to see him smiling slightly. 

"I read your books in chronological order. Do you know what I realized?" 

Yuki felt uncomfortable under the knowing gaze of that man. He had the feeling he knew something he didn't and he didn't like that at all. 

"Well, I guess you would tell me anyway." 

He answered smugly. He wasn't somebody to be fooled. 

"You are a writer by heart even if you don't think so. Writers tend to mend their feelings into what they write. Even unconsciously." 

He waited to see a reaction on the face of the young man beside him but his face remained cold. 

"Since I read them in the right order I could see a progress forming most people probably didn't realize. The longer you wrote the more the feelings of your characters became real and the more the people loved your books. Simply because of that. Now it's easy to guess why that is so, isn't it?!" 

Yuki was shocked. How could this stranger analyze his writing style this good. He didn't realized it then but that's why the guy was the head of the most successful chain book stores in America. 

Nevertheless Yuki was stubborn and he didn't intend to admit something he wasn't clear with himself. He turned his head to his side answering sarcastically. 

"You tell me." 

To his amazement the man only nodded and Yuki once more felt like a child. Ryan motioned with his head to the table opposite of them. 

"Let's just say since you entered this hall all your thoughts were on him." 

He nodded towards Shuichi. Yuki froze. Since when was he so easily to read. Tohma could pull that off but he knew him since he was a boy. That was the first time he met this guy and he felt like he was an open book to read. 

"Don't worry. It's only me who can see what's going on inside you." 

Ryan tried to calm the novelist beside him. 

"I had this talent since I was small and I always liked to analyze people." 

He could feel the tension ease a bit in the body beside him. Yuki was still looking at Shuichi but managed to say, 

"Maybe you missed your true profession then." 

"Maybe." Came the reply and you could here the smile in it. 

Just then Shuichi looked up locking eyes with Yuki. Both of them felt as if the time stood still. The noises vanished to a quiet background mumble and both forgot that they're engaged in conversation. Surprise was obvious on Shuichi's face but there was something else something close to longing. 

'Longing?!' Yuki thought perplex. 'Longing for me?' 

He blinked and broke off the eye contact. His heart was racing in his chest and pulse and breathing had quickened unconsciously. As he glanced at Shuichi again he saw him looking his way but he turned his gaze back onto the others who were now getting up to follow most of the people into the music hall. 

Yuki then remembered Ryan Springer but as he looked beside him he realized the man was gone. But he had left a business card leaning against his cup. He picked it up twirling it in his fingers. 

'What a strange guy.' 

But he didn't felt dislike against the older man to his amazement. Yuki sighted. 

'Maybe there was some truth in what he had said.' 

Suddenly his gaze came to rest on the card again. Something was written on the back of it. In neat writing there stood. 

_'You should go and talk to him.' _

__

Yuki shook his head. 

'That guy really is weird.' 

He stood up in time to see a head with pink hair vanish through the doors. 

***************************************************** 

Hi guys, another chapter: introducing Ryan Springer. Don't worry he is just a minor character just for Yuki ass kicking. Geez, he's just a slow poke. Guess Ryuichi was pretty important too in this chapter, poor guy. Who knows what he has been through? Anyway Yuki and Shuichi are still my main charas so stay tuned.... 


	9. The Christmas party, part III

Chapter 9: The Christmas party, Part III: Together again 

Music, classical of course, swirled through the nicely decorated room. Yuki had tried to get a hold of Shuichi but somehow someone always distracted him and then Shuichi was gone. He actually really came to appreciate it that Shuichi had pink hair. This way it wasn't too difficult to find him again. 

It was almost 10pm by now and he could see Tohma make his way up to the stage where the band was playing. The music stopped playing and everybody focused on Tohma. 

"Ladies and Gentlemen I hope you enjoyed the evening so far. We will now proceed to exchanging gifts. Our elves will go around and hand out presents as a thank you from our company. Of course personal presents can be exchanged as well. I hope you enjoy yourselves. May I present here come the Christmas elves." 

The wide door opened and children of different ages came dressed in costumes with glittering faces and small wings. It was well known that it was the companies way of saying thank you to all their business partners. Over the years most of the attendants started to bring their own presents to hand out to their business partners since pretty much all the well known heads of the high society were invited to this party. 

Shuichi starred in awe at the children who looked like they came out of a fairy tale. He was so lost in adoring them that he totally lost sight of his friends and as he looked around he was surrounded by unfamiliar faces. He could hear approaching feet behind him and a familiar voice softly calling his name. 

****** 

Yuki had been waiting for this opportunity. The little baka was so lost in thought he didn't realize that the others were moving on. He looked like a little child admiring the beauty around him. For Yuki _he_ was pure beauty and innocence. It took all his strength to finally approach him and make himself known. Shuichi didn't notice his presence until Yuki was standing behind him. 

"Shuichi..." 

The pink haired boy slowly turned around as if afraid that he just imagined hearing Yuki's voice. But as he locked eyes with Yuki's golden ones he knew Yuki really came to see him. Shuichi smiled up at him greeting him with a shy 

"Hey." 

Yuki was surprised to see his former lover so shy around him. Well, what could he expect they weren't together anymore. But it was still unnerving to see Shuichi so silent in his presence. 

"I've been waiting for you." 

Hearing this from his former lovers mouth made the tension melt away in his body. He didn't know he relied that much on Shuichi's approval but it made him feel warm inside that Shuichi had been waiting for him. 

Suddenly he felt the need to make things right with Shuichi. He wasn't good at expressing his feelings and he often ended up hurting Shuichi when he had intended on making him feel wanted. 

"Shuichi. I..." 

He faltered. 

'God damn. Why is it so difficult to tell the one I really care about in this stupid unforgiving world how much he means to me?' 

He looked down into Shuichi's sparkling eyes and finally came to a conclusion. He suddenly grasped Shuichi's small hand and dragged him off to the entrance hall which was deserted. Yuki dropped Shuichi's hand as they reached the secluded room where guests where welcomed during business times. 

Shuichi had been surprised as Yuki suddenly dragged him off and now he was quietly waiting for what would happen. The windows where from the bottom up to the ceiling and since the light was off in there the only light was coming from outside. Only enough to illuminate Yuki's frowning face. 

The singer began to grow nervous and as if Yuki had felt it he started to speak. 

"When I first met you it was night, too. Remember? Back then I thought nothing in this world could make me feel again. Every day was just another day of endless bearings I had to endure until it would be over. 

But the nights weren't any better. Because then the memories came back. Did you know that since you moved in with me I was able to sleep through the night without waking up from nightmares? - Guess not." 

Yuki paused before continuing. 

"A lot of things changed since I met you. I had to learn to deal with life again. You showed me compassion, patience and how to enjoy myself if even for a little while. Tonight I was even told that you could read or better feel this change while reading my books. Weird, ne? Everybody else around me knew what's happening to me but I couldn't accept it, couldn't let go of my safe gray and dull life." 

He shook his head. 

"We have been together for a long time and until you moved out I allured myself into believing that I could go back to my old life anytime. But guess what - I couldn't. All I ever thought about was that it was too quiet in the apartment, that something was missing, making me feel empty." 

Yuki let his head hung low and turned away from Shuichi feeling suddenly embarrassed by his confession. He felt so many different emotions go through him. Shame, yearning, hope, sadness, love and what he should do if Shuichi wouldn't come back to him. 

_If there wouldn't be light at the end of the tunnel. _

He was brought out of his doubts as he could feel slim arms sneak around his waist. A head was pressed against his back and he could feel a slightly speeded up heartbeat. 

"Did you really miss me?" 

Came a muffled question. Yuki clasped his hands over the small ones who held him tightly. 

"Yes. I really missed you and I still miss you." 

Yuki turned around gazing into Shuichi's eyes. God he loved those eyes. So full of trust and love that he got goose bumps all over. Gaining courage he drew Shuichi in his arms dropping a light kiss on his head and whispered in his ear. 

"I miss your laughter. 

Miss looking into your sparkling eyes. 

Holding you close to me. 

See you dancing when you're listening to music. 

Miss hearing you sing. 

Miss you so much it hurts every time you're not with me." 

Shuichi was stunned as Yuki began whispering those words into his ear. For so long he had longed to have Yuki open up to him. Now he couldn't hold back all the pressure he had been holding in since their break up. Silent tears made their way down his cheeks as he hold on to Yuki who gently caressed his hair. Feeling the wetness at his neck Yuki frowned looking up at his lover. Sadly he asked. 

"Did I make you cry again?" 

Shuichi shook his head trying to get out the words he had dreamed to say to Yuki for so long. 

"No." 

Came the muffled reply. 

"It's not because I'm sad. I'm just so relieved that it's over now and I can be with you again. Can I be with you?" 

Hopefully he looked up into Yuki's golden eyes searching for reassurance. A smile tugged at his lovers lips. 

"Always....always." 

And Yuki gently kissed his salty tears away rubbing his back in a comforting way. Finally Shuichi calmed down a bit tilting his head upwards to look at his lover. 

"Love you." Came the quiet whisper. 

Yuki draw in a breath at this confession. Shuichi had told him so very often. And he always had shrugged it off believing once Shuichi got sick of him he would move on. Never believing those words because of not wanting to get hurt. This time he was relieved to hear those words. Relieved that Shuichi still loved him. Kissing the tip of Shuichi's nose he mumbled an "I know." before capturing the pink little mouth in a kiss. 

****** 

Unknown to them a figure had watched their display of affection. 'Well, looks like he finally made his move. Seems like he realized what he wants but that doesn't change my plans. He could have done something earlier and he didn't. He gave me the perfect opportunity and I used it. Now he has to pay the price for his own stupity.' The figure smirked and vanished into the shadows. 

****** 

In the meanwhile Ryuichi was almost frantic. He couldn't find Shuichi anywhere. He had searched the whole room and none of his friends had seen him. 

'Shit. Shit. Shit. How could I let myself get distracted by the presents?! Argh, Shuichi. Where are you? It's not funny to run off somewhere.' 

Ryuichi thought about their talk earlier and he knew that Shuichi was still depressed. Ryuichi took Kumagoro out of his pocket hugging him to his chest to seek comfort from the small plush bunny. 

"Oh, Kumagoro. This is just such a mess." 

He sighed and continued his search. Talking to his best friend he didn't see the person as he walked around a corner. He crashed into something soft and fell backwards on the floor. 

As he looked up he blinked at seeing a young man who just put back on his sunglasses. He surely looked familiar but he couldn't remember where he had seen his face. Before he could utter a word the other man gave a quick nod and made his way down the floor. 

****** 

Tohma had been searching for Shuichi as well. For some reason, well he was pretty sure why, Eiri had vanished, too. They probably where somewhere secluded. He didn't really wanted to disturb them but Shuichi's presence was required and Ryan Springer had asked for Eiri. 

He strode in even paces down the floor and finally he could hear voices from one of the waiting rooms. As he stood in the entrance a peaceful sight was before him. Eiri and Shuichi held each other in their arms being obvious to the world. Tohma couldn't help but smile as he cleared his throat to make his presence known. Yuki glanced up and had a quite understanding with Tohma. The novelist smiled; the other man really knew him well. 

"Sorry, to disturb you but your presence is required. Shuichi would you please go to Sakano. He's looking for you." 

Shuichi nodded and almost unwillingly left Yuki's protective embrace. Looking up into his lovers eyes one more time. 

"Go ahead, Shu. I'll be with you in awhile." 

Yuki tousled his hair and Shuichi happily skipped past Tohma flashing him a bright smile. Tohma settled his eyes on Yuki. 

"So you made up." 

It wasn't really a question more like an obvious statement. Yuki nodded. 

"That's good. Guess you won't come with us to Kyoto now, or ?" 

"No, I don't want to leave him right now. But thank you for the offer ands introducing me to Ryan Springer. I'll talk to him again." 

Tohma nodded thoughtfully. 

"He had been asking for you. You should go and talk to him. He seems to find a liking in you." 

Tohma grinned knowing that usually Yuki had always trouble with his publishers and couldn't stand them one bit. 

"Come let's go." 

He waved a hand at Yuki and walked back the way he had come. 

****** 

Both made their way back to the main room as Ryuichi almost ran them over. 

"Ahhh, Tohma, where's Shuichi?" 

He eyed Yuki suspiciously and demanded. 

"Where are you hiding him?" 

He propped his arms on his hips glaring at both of them furiously. 

"It's really not funny to play hide and seek in this place. Way too big." 

He waved his hand in front of their faces. 

"Kumagoro and me where looking all over already and Tohma said that Shu-chan was with you." 

He poked Yuki in his chest accusingly. Tohma and Yuki just looked at him confused and finally the latter one answered. 

"Shuichi was with us just a few minutes ago. He should be with Sakano by now." 

A bad feeling crept up in Yuki. And he could see Ryuichi's eyes darken with worry as he answered. 

"But I just came from the music room. He isn't with them and I should have seen him on my way here. I only bumped into that guy but no Shuichi." 

Ryuichi clutched Kumagoro close to him seeing the fear in Yuki's eyes and the dark look on Tohma's face. Those both could be really scary at times and he backed away nervously. 

Suddenly Tohma cocked his head to his right looking strangely at Ryuichi. 

"You saw someone ?" 

Ryuichi nodded eagerly his head. 

"Yeah, he came from this direction." 

Pointing with his finger from where Yuki and Tohma just came. Tohma frowned. 

"Besides the three halls the rest of the building is off limits. The guards know not to let any stranger get into the office area." 

Yuki shook his head. 

"I have a bad feeling about this. Ryuichi go and get the other guys. They have to go looking for Shuichi. Tohma you better go and take care of your guests before somebody gets suspicious of your long absence." 

Yuki's mouth was drawn into a thin line. Tohma nodded. 

"Good. We'll do that. Hopefully we're just worrying about nothing." 

Ryuichi and Tohma went back to the music hall and left Yuki to look for Shuichi in the rest of the building. 

****** 

Slowly the cloud of darkness left his mind. Still white spots where dancing in front of his eyes. He waited for his vision to adjust. After a few minutes Shuichi could make out a dimly lit room and it felt like he was sitting on tiles. Cold bathroom tiles. Confusion spread through his mind. 

'What happened? Where am I?' 

All he remembered was walking down the floor as suddenly everything went black with pain. He tried to move but in an instant pain shot through his body. 

"Bad idea, sweety. You shouldn't move. I'm just saying that for your own good. Safe your strength for later." 

Shuichi groaned he could hear a man's voice but all he could see from his position on the floor were black clad feet and legs. Nothing more. Somewhere back in his mind the voice sounded awfully familiar. He raked his brain for information as suddenly realization dawned. 

_He remembered._

_He knew that voice._

Shuichi looked up once again starring horrified into dark eyes. 

"Ah, you remember. Good thing we meet again, ne ? As far as I know we still have unfinished business." 

He came awfully close. 

"So did you miss me?" 

***************************************************** 

So guess who that was? Looks like we're about to solve a secret here. Anyway gotta go edit the next chapter. See ya! 


	10. Unwanted Memories

Chapter 10: Unwanted Memories 

The man in front of him could have been a figure out of his worst nightmares. Well, he actually was and now he knew his nightmares had been reality. 

"Your wounds from our last encounter healed quite nicely. Very good." 

The dark haired man nodded his head in approval. 

"So you're up for another round?" 

He grinned at a shaking Shuichi beneath him. 

"Aw common don't be scared. It's already the third time you should be used to it by now." 

He knelt in front of Shuichi slowly peeling of the layers of clothing. In a matter of seconds Shuichi sat only in his boxers and his open shirt on the cold tiles. He shivered violently. His wide eyes were fixed on the man in front of him unable to move away from him. He had tried that already the other times and only ended up getting beaten to a bloody pulp. Slowly he managed to stammer some words out. 

"Why...why are you doing this to me.....Aizawa?" 

As soon as he had called the man by his name a fist collided with his face. Pain exploded around him and he could feel blood trickle from his mouth and nose slowly running down his chin dripping on his exposed chest. 

"Don't you ever say my name again. I told you you're not allowed to. I don't want you to say it to anybody. It's our little secret between you and me." 

His eyes seemed to soften a bit as he looked at a frightened Shuichi. 

"No names, okay?! It's just you and me." 

He slowly proceeded to caress Shuichi's smooth cheek. 

"You don't need to be afraid. He can't hurt you anymore." 

Confusion spread over Shuichis face. 

'What is he talking about? He couldn't mean Yuki, or?!' 

He focused his attention back on Aizawa just in time to see the other man leaning in to kiss him. 

"Come let me kiss away your pain." 

"No.No. NO. Get away from me!" 

Shuichi leashed out trying scramble away from him. He didn't want to be kissed by Aizawa. He could still taste Yuki's kiss on his lips. Aizawa couldn't take this away from him. Before he could reach the other side of the room he received a quick kick in his mid section which brought him to the floor in an instant. Rough hands pulled his head up by his hair and he could feel Aizawas breath at his ear. 

"You little whore where are you trying to go? We are not done yet." He hissed into Shuichi's ear. 

"We didn't even get started yet." He added seductively. 

And then his hands were all over Shuichi. Aizawa pressed him on his back pinning him with his upper body strength to the ground. 

"You don't want it gently?! Okay, you can have it the rough way. Struggle all you want. Nobody is coming to your rescue anyway. Who would want a used dirty little whore like you anyway?" 

Aizawa licked the skin beneath him with his tongue then biting the sensitive skin at the neck. 

"Ts ts ts, what your precious lover would say if he could see you in this position?" 

He tried to get Shuichi to look into his eyes but Shuichi tried to look everywhere but him. 

"Look at me damnit. Know what he would be?" 

He hold Shuichi's chin in a hard grip and grinned maliciously at him. 

"He would be disgusted with you and then he would turn his back on you like he did so often before. Face it that's how you ended up in my arms before." 

Just as he started to kiss Shuichi's skin again he could hear the pink haired man choke out: "He won't. He won't leave me. I believe in him." 

That's when Aizawa lost it. From then on everything was a blur of kicks and punches. His whole body ached and he could feel blood running down his head. Shuichi didn't try to defend himself any longer. There was no way he had the strength anymore. His being just crawled back into the black little hole of his mind trying to shut out what was happening to him - again. 

Finally the beating stopped and he could feel the loss of clothes as Aizawa ripped his boxers off to get his final sick pleasure out of him. 

'So that is it.' 

Shuichi let himself fall into blackness trying to escape Aizawas prodding fingers running all over his body. He waited for the sudden pain to come for the intrusion into his frail body but it never came. 

It was cold. 

Shuichi began to shiver violently. He curled up into a tight ball slipping into unconsciousness slowly. Somewhere close fighting and mad voices could be heard. But he didn't care anymore. Shuichi just wanted everything to stop and go to sleep. 

****** 

As Yuki had entered the bathroom he couldn't believe what he saw. The first thing what came to his mind where the memories as he was an innocent boy trusting his teacher who sold him for ten lousy bucks. It was like a flashback just it wasn't the man he had trusted back then hovering over the small body and not him who lay beneath the black clad figure breathing heavily. He knew the man. 

It was Aizawa Tachi. Lead singer of ASK. 

The same who had violated Shuichi before and was just about to take him again. But that wouldn't happen. Not over his dead body. Coming out of his shock Yuki paced over to the man and ripped him away from Shuichi who remained unmoving on the ground covered in bruises and blood. Probably it was just too much to take for Yuki. His own memories and having to see Shuichi in this kind of situation made him snap and with a mad yell he started to kick and punch at Aizawa in a blind rage. The surprised Aizawa turned into defending himself taunting Yuki all along. 

"What do you want, Yuki Eiri? You didn't want him remember? You threw him away like trash." 

Yuki flinched at his words but didn't back down. A mad grin crawled up Aizawas face. 

"Know what? He tasted like strawberries. Maybe you should go and look, maybe there's something left for you." 

"SHUT UP." 

Yuki screamed and delivered a blow that was followed by a sickening crack. Just then Ryuichi and Tohma showed up taking in the situation with horror on their faces. Yuki was still kicking Aizawa and it took awhile until Tohma managed to get through to Yuki. 

"Eiri snap out of it. You have to take care of Shuichi. Are you listening?!" 

He shook the other blond before Yuki settled his wild gaze on the smaller man. 

"Shuichi?!" 

A sick feeling hit Yuki as reality hit him. Shuichi had almost been raped by Aizawa. 

'Oh god, oh god what am I gonna do?' 

He ran his hands through his hair and walked over to Shuichi in a kind of trance dropping onto his knees beside him. He carefully lifted the small body up into his arms. 

"Shu...Can you hear me?" 

Yuki touched his lovers bloody cheek but didn't get an answer only a soft moan. 

"Shu? Please open you eyes. Talk to me. Please." 

Yuki felt his heart clench painfully seeing his love laying helplessly in his arms. Something wet made his way down his cheek as he buried his face in the crook of his lovers neck. 

****** 

Something wet tickled his neck. Shuichi struggled to open his eyes. It was difficult since his eye lids felt so heavy. His body hurt a lot and he felt kind of dizzy. A body was pressed to him with a familiar smell. As he managed to open his eyes a little he could see blonde hair. 

"Yuki?" He whispered. 

Instantly the blondes head jerked up starring unbelievingly down at him. 

"Shu...?" 

"Don't cry!" 

Shuichi couldn't stand seeing Yuki sad and like on reflex tried to cheer him up. 

"Hey, you know that's my job - being emotional." 

He tried to give Yuki a smile but failed miserably. It hurt too much. 

"Sorry." 

Yuki shook his head and gently caressed his cheek. 

"No. It's not your fault. I should have been with you to protect you and I wasn't. All my fault but not yours." 

New tears began to fall from his eyes. 

"It's okay, Yuki. Don't cry. It'll be alright." 

Gently he wiped Yuki's tears away. Yuki couldn't help but wonder how this frail little person could possess so much strength. Where he had been broken Shuichi tried to assure him that everything would be okay. 

'I should assure him not the other way round. He needs my strength now. I have to be strong for him.' 

"Yuki?" 

Shuichi had trouble to keep his eyes open. The darkness was calling him. 

"Can you promise me something?" 

Confusion spread over Yuki's face but quickly changed into determination. He took Shuichi's hand in his and answered. 

"Everything." 

Shuichi managed a small smile. 

"No, just this would be enough." 

Yuki nodded. 

"I want you to come to my concert. I want you to hear me sing." 

Yuki frowned. It couldn't be that Shuichi was surely considering giving the Christmas concert being in the state he was in. Shuichi somehow sensed what Yuki was thinking. He gripped the older mans hand. 

"I will sing." He said determined. "And I want you to be there. I need you there with me." 

He pleadingly looked up to Yuki who could feel his heart melt at those trusting blue eyes. 

"Alright, Shu. I'll be there." 

"Promise?" 

Yuki smiled. 

"Promise." 

Giving him a small kiss on the tip of his nose. The last conscious thought Shuichi had was that he liked Yuki's smile. Yuki could feel his lover slip back into darkness and whispered in his hear hoping he would still hear it. 

"I'll be strong for you." 

****** 

In the meanwhile Tohma had taken care of Aizawa and had him taken out by guards to be looked up in an office. Tohma wanted to talk to him himself and he felt it safer to keep Aizawa out of Yuki's reach. Although it was more to Yuki's sake than Aizawas. 

As he entered the room again he saw a strange look on Ryuichi's face who stood quietly in a corner of the bathroom watching Yuki cradling Shuichi in his arms. He seemed lost in thought. It was unnerving. Tohma prefered his long time friend as the cheerful person he usually dealt with. The sorrowful expression almost like pain felt wrong to be seen on Ryuichi's normally smiling face. 

But he had to take care of that later. Yuki and Shuichi were more important right now. He walked over to where Yuki was kneeling with Shuichi's body close to him whispering to the smaller man. The sight of Shuichi almost made him vomit. The singers body showed a wild picture of blue and purple bruises with blood smeared over it. His hair wasn't pink anymore but changed into a dark reddish purplish color. There were marks on his neck and chest. His earlier white shirt was drenched in crimson blood sticking to the open cuts on his body. Tohma couldn't tell if something was broken he just hoped it wasn't as bad as it looked. He took a deep breath calling out to Ryuichi over his shoulder softly. 

"Ryuichi, can you please get a car ready waiting at the back door? We'll be there shortly." 

Ryuichi didn't answer but Tohma could hear his retreating steps. Now he was left to deal with Yuki and he had a feeling of what was going through him. The situation was all too familiar. Carefully he settled himself next to the blonde man. He needed to take Shuichi to a hospital quickly but one wrong move and he would find himself smashed into the next wall. He knew that Yuki could be very violent. Quietly he began to talk. 

"It's alright Eiri. Shuichi is safe now. You can let him go." 

Instantly Yuki shot a furious glare at him. 

"Nothing is alright. If it was he wouldn't be laying in his own blood now." 

Yuki shook his head hiding his eyes behind his bangs. 

"God, I'm just so stupid. I should have known something like that would happen." 

"That's not true. How can you expect him to try to hurt Shuichi again after all this time?" 

Yuki sighed bitterly. 

"Because he promised back then he would find something to hurt us. Both of us. And he managed just fine. If I wouldn't have been so selfish and careless he would have never gotten the chance to get him." 

"Yuki, listen to me. You can't change what already happened. Right now only Shuichi is important and he needs medical help." 

Hearing Tohma's words Yuki snapped back to reality. For a moment all he could feel was endless pain but Tohmas words made him focus on what was really important. Shuichi. He was hurt badly because of him. Pushing the pain back he took off his suit jacket wrapping Shuichi carefully in it. His lover was still unconscious as they proceeded down the halls to where Ryuichi was waiting. 

****** 

The hospital was quiet with empty floors beside a nurse checking up on patients from time to time. The three had been waiting for about an hour now for some news of the doctors. As soon as they had entered the hospital Shuichi had been taken care of thanks to a call Tohma made while driving to the hospital. The time spent waiting seemed to stretch for hours. None of them uttering a word. All of them were lost in their own thoughts. 

Ryuichi was huddled in a chair clutching Kumagoro to his chest caressing his soft plush fur. He seemed to starring into nothing almost as if he was in another place. 

Yuki was now standing at the window after endless cups of coffee and pacing the floor making everybody even more nervous. He looked pale and his hands shook slightly. He needed a cigarette badly but he didn't want to go outside for he could miss the doctors telling them about Shuichi's condition. 

Tohma's gaze traveled once again towards the room where Shuichi was in. Thousand things were going through his mind. He couldn't believe how it could happen. Mika and him had planned through everything to take care of Eiri and Shuichi. 

'Damn, I failed.' 

Tohma buried his head in his hands. Something like that wasn't supposed to happen. He had known that there were some sick people out there craving Shuichi and Yuki but he thought he had taken enough precautions. Ryuichi had been looking over Shuichi as well as other guards from NG. Then in January Bad Luck would have been going to America and he had hoped that Yuki would make a deal with Ryan Springer leaving Japan as well for a couple of weeks. 

Maybe he had been wrong about how to deal with their safety. Doubts kept bothering Tohma. He had thought it would be best to protect both Shuichi and Yuki. Shuichi was as carefree and innocent as Ryuichi appeared but on the contrary to him he knew nothing yet about the life of a famous idol. The harassment, groupies, the paparazzi and crazy fans. 

And Yuki. 

Tohma hadn't thought that Yuki would actually care what happened to him so Tohma kept looking out for him as usual. Tohma sighed once more. 

'I guess I should call Mika.' 

****** 

After another half an hour waiting a nurse came out giving them the details of Shuichi's condition. 

"Well, you see Shindou-san was quite lucky. He has a lot of bruises, cuts and his rips received some minor damage. Due to the wound on his head he'll probably have a headache for a day or so but we gave him pain killers and he will be alright. We would like to keep him here until he wakes up. He will be very exhausted but other than that he will be okay." 

Yuki raised an eyebrow at that making the nurse nervous. She hastily explained. 

"You see you luckily intervened pretty quickly. So there are no internal wounds. Another question although is his mind. It could be that he'll need psychotic attention because of his rape some time ago...--" 

"WHAT?!" 

Yuki stared at her in shock. The nurse seemed uncomfortable. 

"I supposed you knew that Shindou-san already had been victim to rape before. The action was carried through back then." 

The nurse fell quiet not knowing what else to say. The tall blonde man looked like he would start screaming any second. She could almost see the anger swell up in him. Yuki was ready to explode. 

"DAMN!!! That dirty bastard!" 

He wiped in one swift motion medical supplies of a small table beside him. The tools fell down clattering on the floor attracting the hospital guards. Tohma snapped out of his shocked state as well as Ryuichi at Yuki's outburst. The former one tried to calm Yuki. 

"Please Yuki, calm down. I gave orders to take care of Aizawa. I...--" 

"What? Like you did back then when he attacked Shuichi the first time? Very well done Tohma." Came the sarcastic answer. 

A look of hurt crossed the smaller man's face but he caught himself quick enough. But before he could reply anything Yuki stormed off. 

"Yuki wait!!! Where are you going? What about Shuichi?" 

Panic crept up in him, he was loosing control of the situation and he certainly didn't like that. Yuki stopped in mid-movement. Not turning around he said cooly. 

"I'll take care of him myself. Nobody's going to hurt Shuichi ever again." 

And with that he left. 

Tohma starred after him flabbergasted. This night was getting worse and worse. He turned around to Ryuichi only to find him gone. 

"He's with your friend." Came a shy voice right next to him. 

A young nurse smiled at him pointing towards the room Shuichi was in. 

"Thank you." 

She nodded and headed off. Tohma sighed and walked back to the seats lined up at the wall. He should call the others now, they were probably anxious to hear what happened. He just didn't know what he should tell them or better how. 

***************************************************** 

One more. I'm almost done. ^_^ Tell me how you like it. I appreciate criticism. 


	11. The concert

Disclaimer: The song "Outside" is not mine. It belongs to Staint. 

Chapter 11: The concert 

Snow was dancing outside in the gray blue afternoon sky. Yuki sat in his bedroom starring outside. He felt cold but he didn't bother to turn on the heating. He didn't really care. Four days ago his world was turned up side down again and he let it happen. 

Again. 

He run his hand through his unkempt hair. 

'So much for believing it couldn't happen again.' 

He thought. It had happened again just not to him but to Shuichi which was even times worse. And he hadn't seen him since he had stormed out of the hospital off to beat the shit out of Aizawa Tachi. Well, he had succeeded with that but then things kind of got messed up again. 

flashback 

Yuki jumped out of the taxi he happened to catch as he stomped out of the hospital. He was angry and there was just one way to release his temper. In a couple of minutes he was standing in front of the guards who Tohma had positioned in front of the office Aizawa was in. In a matter of seconds he had convinced them that Tohma needed their service elsewhere and he waited for them in the entrance hall. After he got rid of them he stepped into the dark room falling backwards against the door waiting for his eyes to adjust to the starlit room. He could make out the man he was looking for on a chair at the window obviously expecting him. 

"I knew you would come back. It's not really your style to leave business unfinished." 

He smirked. 

"Just like me." 

"Don't you dare to compare me with you, you bastard." 

"Talking about yourself, Yuki?!" Came the smug reply. 

No sooner he said that Yuki had gripped his collar choking him. 

"Yeah, that's what you are. A bloody murder. Now you're showing your true nature." 

Yuki froze and let the dark haired man fall onto the ground turning his back on him. 

"Can't face it Yuki? You are a danger to you and the people around you. To Shuichi. They would be all better off if you would go hide into your apartment again." 

Aizawa breathed in deeply. 

"So you can't hurt them - him anymore." 

He grinned knowing he had hit a mark as Yuki's shoulders tensed. 

"Aw, somebody has a bad conscious." 

Furiously Yuki spun around hissing. 

"Don't twist the obvious. You're just trying to manipulate me. I won't fall for your dirty tricks." 

Yuki spat slipping back on his arrogant mask. 

"You are just scum. You can't compare to me. You're lies are useless. But know what?!" 

A malicious smirk curled up at the corner of Yuki's mouth while moving closer to the man in front of him. 

"Next time I see you I'll be a bloody murder." 

He whispered into his ear followed by a swift punch in Aizawas mid section. 

"And don't ever come close to Shuichi again or I'll break every single bone in your body." 

The hard glint in Yuki's eyes promised that he didn't lie. Right then the two guards came back in obviously called by Tohma trying to get a hold of the situation. Before neither of them could utter a word Yuki turned to face them. 

"Don't bother gentlemen I'm already out of here." 

With that he walked past them letting the door fall shut behind him. 

endofflashback 

Since then he had been sitting in his room damning himself. Despite what he had said to Aizawa being immune to his words he had been stupid enough to let them bother him. Now he was sitting here locked up in his apartment not answering the phone or getting the door. Nobody had bothered him today though. He looked at the calendar on his night stand. A childish one with cartoon pictures on it. Shuichi had gotten it once as a present for him. 

The 24th December was marked. 

Yuki let his head drop. Today was Shuichi's concert. The one he had promised to attend. It was outrageous he didn't even know if it would be held not knowing how Shuichi had recovered. He hadn't visited him in the hospital. After his talk to Aizawa he couldn't face him. He had been standing in front of the hospital several times but he never went in. 

Despite what all the others tried to tell him he felt guilty and nothing could change that. He didn't need to hear Aizawas words to realize it. Seeing Shuichi's bloody and broken body on the ground was enough to have pain claw at his heart. Yuki shook his head trying to get the awful picture out of his head. His gaze settled back on the calendar. 

Damn, that brat knew him so damn well. It's just as if he knew what was going to happen and made me promise his stupid request. Yuki held his head by now. His thoughts were a mess. He should seriously considering seeing a shrink, he thought but dropped that thought right after it had crossed his mind. He didn't need a psycho analyzer to tell him what went wrong in his life. 

'What a mess, what a mess.' He sighed. 'He's expecting me to come. Stupid baka, you shouldn't believe in me so much.' 

A knock on the door brought him out of his thoughts. Annoyed why would anyone bother him now he stood up and went to open the door. Well more likely he ripped it open to tell whoever was bothering him now to show off. To his amazement a certain gray haired man stood in front of him and the words died in his throat. The man nodded as in a greeting. 

"We missed each other at the Christmas party. I only wanted to say good bye since I was leaving today." 

Yuki could only stare dumbly. He had expected anybody but not this guy. 

'Why would he come in person to say good bye? If he's interested in my books why not a note from his secretary or something. Although he was already pretty odd at the party.' Yuki opened the door a bit to let the older man in. 

"I don't want to take much of your time Yuki-san." 

Yuki shook his head. 

"Don't worry about it. It's not like I have any plans." 

"You don't?" 

The man looked doubting at something Yuki still clutched in his right hand. The calendar. The marked date was clearly visible. 

"Well, plans changed. I don't think it would be appropriate for me to show up there." 

His shoulders dropped slightly. Not quite bothering to explain where he was expected. 

"Remember what you have been writing in your latest books? Like I said before the characters you're giving life are reflecting what you want or think. Hiding further would only bring more pain. Search inside of you what you really want all doubts aside. All your characters managed to do that. Why not the author, too?" 

Yuki grinned at the other man. 

"Well, you didn't get to know my newest creations. They are quite stubborn." 

The eyes of Mr. Springer twinkled. 

"Maybe they need just a push into the right direction. Think about it. But I have to go now. My secretary will send you a letter concerning the opportunities to publish in the States I have to offer. It was a pleasure to meet you." 

The gray haired man bowed his head slightly. 

"Good day to you." 

And walked out of the apartment. Yuki stood frozen in place for awhile thinking about what the old man had said. Suddenly he got a great idea how to finish the last chapter of his overdue book. He went to his office and started typing. 

****** 

Blue eyes looked solemnly into a mirror. Shuichi carefully touched the wound at his head which was luckily at the hair line and was completely covered by his bangs. The make up artist had done a great job. She had covered all the ugly bruises beneath a thick layer of make up. 

Nevertheless he felt weird. 

Shuichi looked pale and his coal rimmed eyes only made him look more ghostly but the girl had said it's supposed to be like that if you're a rock star - looking wild. Shuichi didn't felt like being wild. He felt and looked like run over a few times too often and he decided to take another painkiller just in case. He was clad in his usual long coat which gave him a feeling of safety. It was strange he was about to go on stage in about a quarter hour facing hundreds of people and he was worrying about his looks. 

The others hadn't wanted that he'd go through with the concert. Even Tohma who would have a great loss of money if they had called it off was determined to let Shuichi choose. And Shuichi knew that Tohma was proud of him going through with the concert. His band colleagues still thought he wasn't up to it but he had promised Yuki that he would sing. 

_Yuki._

After he had woken up in the hospital he had already known something was wrong as he looked up in Ryuichi's face and not Yuki's. That only meant that Yuki was tormenting himself with guilty feelings. Shuichi didn't want his lover to suffer. You could call it selfless or crazy but Shuichi only needed Yuki to feel safe and happy. He hadn't seen Yuki since then but he knew he would be there tonight. If he wasn't coming then Shuichi wouldn't know how to go on. But he had to trust Yuki had to believe in him to make the right decision. 

'Please Yuki, please be here tonight.' 

****** 

The bluish light of the screen reflected on the glasses the blonde novelist wore. His fingers were rushing swiftly over the keyboard filling page after page. Just a few more pages and the book will have its final chapter. The blonde threw a quick glance at the watch at his wrist. He had to hurry if he wanted to be there before it was over. Quickly he resumed his work and only clicking could be heard in the otherwise silent room. 

****** 

The lights were blinding and the mass was screaming. Blood pounded in his ears and the hall was a swirl of heat and colors. Shuichi danced and sang as if it would be his last time. Over two hours they had lasted and after this number they would play one more song. Even if Suguru and Hiro didn't know it yet. 

He had heard the song as Ryuichi was playing some music for him he had brought with him from the States. He wasn't so good at the English language but the melody had been stuck in his ears and he had asked Ryuichi to teach the song to him. 

And tonight he would sing the song to show Yuki how he felt. How it felt to be pushed away again and again. Shuichi hoped that Yuki would understand that he'd hurt him even more if he rejected him. The last song was over and he made the announcement that they'll be playing one more song. 

"A friend taught me this song some time ago and it's dedicated to someone who's important to me and I hope he'll understand." 

Behind him he could feel thick confusion. He turned around to fill in Hiro and Suguru what they would have to play. Good thing, Ryuichi had gotten him the notes for the instruments so they could play it. As Suguru and Hiro scanned the lines they knew what it was about and nodded quiet understanding. Shuichi gave them a grateful smile and walked back to the center of the stage where he secured the mike into the holder. 

The lights dimmed and he could hear the first accords of Hiro's electric guitar. Ryuichi had even taught him how to play the classic guitar so he could play it himself. He seated himself on a high kind of bar stool waiting for his turn to start singing. Shuichi closed his eyes as he began to sing letting the intense melody carry him away. The audience turned silent as he started to sing: 

_"And you, bring me to my knees again - all the times. _

_I had to beg you please - in vain. _

_All the times that I felt insecure for you and I leave my burdens at the door."_

While singing Shuichi could see all the scenes flash through his mind. 

The time when Yuki left him shortly after he had been violated for the first time by Aizawa. 

All the times Yuki had crushed his hope with telling him that he didn't care that he was annoying. 

Leaving him in pain. 

All the times he begged him to give them a chance that they could make it together. 

How often had he sat at the outside of Yuki's office leaning at the door knowing that he was in there but he was on the outside. 

How often had he asked himself if he wasn't just fooling himself. 

The first part ended and Shuichi nodded his head with the music eyes still closed he started to sing the refrain. 

_"But I'm on the outside _

_I'm looking in _

_I can see through you, see your true colors _

_cause inside you're ugly, you're ugly like me _

_I can see through you, see to the real you." _

__

Shuichi smiled at the end remembering how tough it was to see past Yuki's cold exterior. 

How hard to break through the barrier. But he had known from the beginning that there were emotions in him. They were just hidden behind harsh words. They've both been used and they both hid in their own way, but now it was time to come out and admit to each other their true feelings. Shuichi was so lost in his thoughts he almost missed the next lines. But he had sung it so often he could repeat it anywhere. 

_"All the times that I felt like this won't end _

_was for you. _

_And I taste what I could never have _

_it's from you. _

_All the times that I've tried, my intentions, full of pride. _

_But I waste more time than anyone."_

He had tried so often. They had told him to give it up Yuki would never change. So many things he had sacrificed for Yuki hoping for a sign of approval. Behind him Hiro played the guitar harshly receiving strangled cries. Shuichi could feel tears well up in his eyes which started to roll down his cheeks as he started to sing again. 

_"All the times that I've cried, _

_all this wasted, it's all inside. _

_And I feel all this pain stuffed it down. _

_It's back again and I lie here in bed all alone, _

_I can't mend - but I feel tomorrow will be okay." _

__

Shuichi remembered times as he had been laying on his couch asking himself why he was wasting his time to reach something he probably could never reach. 

How he kept bottling up all the sadness and pain inside him. 

How often had he cried? For himself for Yuki. 

How often had he assured himself that tomorrow would be a new chance to win Yuki that everything will be alright. Playing alone at last he sung the lines: 

_" But I'm on the outside _

_I'm looking in _

_I can see through you see your true colors. _

_Cause inside you're ugly, ugly like me. _

_I can see through you, see to the real you."_

As he opened his eyes they met golden ones - full of understanding what he had tried to tell. 

****** 

A thick snow blanket covered the earth outside. Frozen flowers grazed the windows. The night sky was covered with stars. While it was bitter cold outside two people shared their warmth laying in each others arms. Resting peacefully with the rest of the world. 

"Yuki, why did you came back for me?" 

Shuichi laying partly with his back on Yuki's side had his head tucked under Yuki's chin playing nervously with the covers. 

"Silly, don't you know?!" 

Yuki tapped him with his index finger on his nose. 

"For you of course. Who else?" 

Even if he could only see (and feel) his lovers pink fluffy hair he knew Shuichi was blushing. Smirking to himself he wrapped his strong arms around Shuichis slim waist drawing him closer. 

"It took me a long time, didn't it?! To realize what I really wanted and that although I had right in front of my nose." 

It sounded a bit sad so Shuichi felt the need to squeeze Yuki's hand reassuringly. 

"It's alright now. We'll always be together." 

He turned his head sideways nuzzling Yuki's soft skin at his neck. 

"Always." Came the soft reply. 

Then they fell silent until Shuichi's head shot up suddenly. 

"Oh no!" 

Yuki's eyes snapped open. 

"What??!" 

Shuichi turned around and settled himself with his arms crossed on Yuki's chest pouting at him. 

"I forgot to get you a Christmas present. It all got messed up." 

He just looked so cute Yuki gathered him in his arms pinning him beneath him. His eyes glittered in the dark room only lit up by the moonshine. 

"Nah, I wouldn't worry about that. I think Santa was very generous this year." 

And captured Shuichi's lips with a long sweet kiss. Shuichi sighed in content. 

"Love you." He mumbled drowsily as Yuki pulled away. The blonde smiled leaning close to his lovers ear and whispered. "Love you, too." 

****** 

The laptop stood forgotten in Yuki's office. The cursor blinking at the bottom of the last page. 

_'Dedicated to all my readers for their support and to the person I love most in the world.'_

__

_The end._

__

__************************************************__

____

__Yay, I'm done. Can you believe it? I really wanted to finish this before leaving for my parents house for Christmas. I would appreciate it if you could tell me if you like my story or not since this was my first "ongoing" story. In "chapter 12" you'll find notes to all who reviewed and some information about sequels if wished.__

__


	12. Credits

**Credits**

Thank you to all readers and reviewers out there especially to: 

Kleptomanic Can Opener: First of course you since you were reviewing pretty much regulary and were very helpful concerning finding a title & my spelling mistakes, etc. I hope the story improved in the progress, if - then because of your help. Thank you very much! 

Yamato forever: you're quite the good guesser. You mostly were able to spin the story ahead and you gave me interesting views of what could happen as well. Thanks for all the ideas! 

Rings of Saturn: hey, you're one of a good reviewer. And it seems like a Ryuichi lover as well. I'm happy that you think I managed to write him quite well cause I felt under a lot of pressure to do so. Maybe one day I'll explain Ryuichi's background (sad) love story in another story if I gained enough courage. Anyway thanks a lot for your reviews. They really kept me going. 

Chibi-ukyou: You're reviews had been so funny with all those integrated dialogs. And so wonderful long. You're a very encouraging reviewer. Not everybody is good at reviewing but you are certainly. ^_^ 

Keeta Maxwell: see. It turned out ShuxYuki. I like them best together. Ryu-chan belongs to Tatsu. Guess I already read to many fics of them being together. I just can't imagine both of the hypers as a couple. Hope you liked it anyway. 

Mortal Peril: sorry but I got both together again but you were right I could have just let them stay friends too. It would have been possible but since at this point I had already pre-written everything I couldn't change everything. But if you are interested in a darker outcome between a Yuki x Shuichi relationship I advise you to read the Gravitation part of "The seven death sins". It's not written yet but it will end deadly so you're warned. Well, they're death sins so it's probably obvious. _ 

Panatlantic: sorry about the song in chapter 11. I actually totally dislike songfics. I maybe love the songs but usually the actually story disappoints me then. Often it's too short and has no real plot. So I tried to make it look integrated into the story. Hope it didn't go too bad. Shu is a singer and I think he can express his feelings best through singing like Yuki through writing. And the song seemed to fit since it described a lot of situations in their relationship. 

Strawberryfanz: so did I confuse you with Ryuichi as well? I hope you liked the outcome of this story. I have the feeling there are more RyuichixTatsuha continuations out there than for ShuxYuki. Since you're craving ShuxYuki so much to be together I'll think of a story where lot's of YxS is in. 

Megane-chan: Happy ending for you as well. Hope you liked the way events turned out. Sorry I confused you with Ryu moving in with Shu but you see a lot of reviewers thought the same. But YukixShu suit each other best, ne?! 

Kawaii: hey, I hope you're happy with the ending. They're together again. I had to put some more angst stuff in it before they could actually have each other. But I hope you forgive me. 

Sayuri: i think you were my personal update pusher since as soon as I posted something you're fist sentence was always you wanted more. *grin* I have to apologize that it took me after the 6th chapter (I think) forever to post the rest. But I hope you were happy about being able to read through the rest at once. 

Many thanks also to Filia-san, S.Wing, Purrmeow, Hiroshi1983 (danke!), Shades and all the others who reviewed and read the story! 

Info:

I will post any sequels I'll write still under "Hide&Seek" since I think it'll be easier to keep track of them then. I already got different requests which theme I should explore more. Please mail me what would you be interested in most & I'll write the sequel. If you would like me to write something what has nothing to do with "Hide & Seek" tell me so or just send comments to my e-mail address or simply leave it as a review. 

Since most reviewers wanted me to update really quick I sometimes I had the feeling to rush the story. I know myself it's hard sometimes to wait until the next chapter is posted. I figured to write the whole story and then post the chapters on a regulary basis. Then I'll be still able to adjust it. If there are any writers out there who have tips how to manage a regular update please tell me. I'd be very grateful for help. 

Last but least I've got to say I'm happy to have finished my first continuation story which was quite hard to accomplish I think. My respect to the writers who work on a long time basis on their stories. 

Many thanks to all. Love, Hellcat 


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